Judge — September 22, 1928 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE What Shall We Give the June Bride? Now that “the merry month of May” is with us again and from every nook and cranny one hears the plaintive wood-note wild of the double-breasted quail with slashed pockets and georgette overdrapes, our thoughts turn a=— Fig. 1 Crumb Scoop often to June and that sweet per- son, the June bride. In the words of the great Jewish poct-sports- man, Max Ravin “In June, in the merry, merry month of June, Our thoughts turn often to that there June And that sweet person, the June How true! And what more natural trend for our thoughts than, “What shall we give the June bride? I mean, what shall we give her besides the usual “rasp” berry, that little token tendered to brides and grooms of every other month as well? I have been thumbing over a number of gift catalogues the last few days and three gifts in par- ticular have wooed my eye that would be suitable for the June bride. The first of these is a new French — invention led the Crumb scoop, that is exposed in Fig. 1 abo This is the brain- child of Henri Crumb, the French inventor, already beknownst to most of us by his invention of “Crumbs,” as they are commonly called. A few years ago the world of science was startled by M. Crumb’s announcement that he had perfected a small pellet or morsel of bread or cake and had named it a “Crumb” after himself. Soon Crumbs b e very fash- ionable on account of their many diverse uses, like stuffing them in a bed, ete they prevai wherever of life” is used. Now M. Crumb has designed this new scoop for convenicntly handling Crumbs and carrying them from one room to another. Up till now it has been necessary for Crumb-bearers to cup their hands and transport the little fetishes about, but this new wrinkle practically reduces Crumb-carrying to an absurdity. Fig. 2 would be a delightful as- set to June brides. It is a small machine called, for the sake of convenience, “Fred B. Shroug,” consisting of a gallery of little saws, hammers, —button-hooks, corkscrews, reamers, punches, and bushes which unfortunately are of no earthly use but look very well worn as a lavalli¢re or anklet. This is a great fad in Holly wood at present, where they are constructed to hold a set of keys to the owner's apartment. As soon as the bride’s husband has set out for the office, she simply hurls the little mechanism out the window where it is deftly caught by a sweet poppa standing amongst the shrubbery. The lat- ter then tries, sometimes with suc- cess, to get into her apartment. This game is called “Bean Por- ridge Hot" and is considered il- legal in some states. tting back to the gift prob- lem with an effort, we now come to Fig. 3. Here is a truly dandy Fig. 2 Fred B. Shroug gift with all sorts of uses for the June bride. These “Horns,” to give them their right name, are found on full-grown moose. The moose are otured and after be- ing “cured”—most moose are s vere wine-bibbers—they are de prived of their “Horns” and are set free. Brides who are deaf and dumb can use a “Horn” for an ear-trumpet, or, when cooking, as a funnel to pour the vine; through. She can use it to shout epithets through at the neighbors, or as a flower-pot, or to snuff can- dles out with. And when not in active use they make splendid decorations for hubby's head. Fig. 3 Horn Some interesting variations on the model shown above can be seen in the gift catalogues of Balzac and Rabelais, the Parisian g ft-mon- gers. And finally, a note ad dressed to the young author of these lines will find him glad to impart free instruction in the use of any of the gifts sh —! wn above. ELMAN Bank employees work hard to make good because they know there's always room for another vice-president. We could why anybody has to employ a footman to open the door of his automobile, but we could readily ute the feasibility of some millionaire who travels a lot hir- able-bodied man to travel with him and open train windows. never understand You can fool all of the people some of the time, but you can fool yourself all of the time. comicbooks.com