Judge, 1928-09-15 · page 20 of 36
Judge — September 15, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This 1920s-era short story satirizes the obsession with applying industrial efficiency to domestic life. The protagonist, Thomas (an industrial engineer), claims that every home convenience should mirror factory machinery. When his guest observes that a summer cottage couldn't possibly have an automatic sprinkler system, Thomas challenges him to visit and see. At dinner, when Thomas carelessly announces to his wife that their guest prefers steak, she becomes furious—her face turning red as a beet. The joke's punchline: Thomas has literally installed an automatic ceiling sprinkler system that activates when the room temperature rises, literally cooling Mrs. Thomas's anger with cold water. The satire mocks early-20th-century enthusiasm for mechanization and "scientific living," suggesting such obsessive efficiency is absurd when applied to human relationships and emotions. The cartoon above the story illustrates this tension between formal etiquette and genuine hospitality through a social dinner scene.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
| I'VE MISSED YOU SENSUOUS HERE | LAST SMILED THE GALLANT LEON Plant the shills among the peasants, Barney, and let’ » what's the obje rigglin™ around on the horizon over th * inquired an old salt. “Blast me if it ain't a nervous wreck!" gagged Mr. Starbuck harpooning the third mate with a fork. Come on, Perelman, make your exit on the laugh. get the old concession working. “Say, mate i A Help to Hospitality frieds, so you'll just have to prove our hospitality and fix up a nice, | Every business machine, every juiey sirloin smothered in onions, mechanical aid to industry should have its counterpart in the home,” 1 Thomas, the well-known dustrial engineer, as he |: stirred his iced coffee. I laughed somewhat deprecat- | | ingly. “I don’t believe that is lit- | erally true,” I said. “How | for exareple, the sprinkler system sive suinmer bungalow?” | Thomas grinne “T accept the challenge,” he said. “It's five o'clock no I want you to come ] to my summer cot with me and see for yourself the truth of my statement. If we hurry we can make the five-thirtee! At seven o'clock Thomas ush- ered me into his bungalow living | room. The air was redolent with | the aroma of broiling fish. “Hello, darling,” he called out to his wife, | who was busy in the kitchen. | “I've brought a friend home to dinner.” Mrs, Thomas entered, wiping her hands on her apron and regarded me with a distinctly“ > | unfriendly countenance. Farsen “And, dearest,” added Thomas, i “our guest likes steak and French bull? y Sven as he spoke Mrs. Thomas’ face assumed the hue of a beet. Her eyes glared as she gazed at her husband and the color mount- ed up to her forehead. She was tting hotter and hotter. 1 med to discern little heat aves raised from her henna hair. : temperature in the room went up by leaps and bounds. And then suddenly one of the iutomatic ceiling sprinklers burst nd a cooling shower of cold er deseended on our heads. For a fraction of a minute the stream continued, and as_ the drops splashed off the head of the d housewife her anger cooled nt smile supplanted her sinister scowl. “Why, it’s just lovely to have you,” she said, smiling her swe est. “Please make yourself very comfortable while I run down to the village and get the juiciest steak in town. I'm so glad you dropped in onus. Excuse me for a few minutes, please.” Thor nd through his wet locks. e he said, smilin “what did 1 tell you? The steak was wonderful! —Antuurn L, Lireaaxn and a plea ran his h oW nysteriously, Somebody’s goin’ U git hurt! Hen Husnaxo—Yes, indeed! Did you care very much for the comicbooks.com