Judge — August 18, 1928 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE ( trrit and final instalment of the 1928 American Credo, reflecting the mental processes presently on tap in Ged's own country: That when a substitute for gasolene will be in- vented John D. Rockefeller will lose his fortune, and that many substitutes have invented, but the were bought off the Standard Oil been by inventors That Vassar College girls spend most of their time filling out questionnaires about their love life. That letters in pink envelopes addressed to males always smell strongly of perfume and are delivercd by the postman with a significant grin. That the medicine didn’t work because it wasn't taken exactly according to directions, That bald-headed men are brainy. That people who go to the large cities to make a success would be better off if they remained at home. it when you are ina hurry to board a waiting at female always gets in front of you five-dollar bill and you reach the plat- form just as the train is pulling out. That one can never t the horses. That the fat woman in a circus is not really fat as she looks, but wears pads under her tights. as That the youngsters nowadays know, as much as the old folks. That if a very important letter has not been re- ceived, the possibilities are very strong that some of the neighbors have stolen the letter from the house letter-box. That if a person stands out in the rain he will grow. That a goat would rather eat an old tin red flannel undershirt than dine at the Ritz. That the term the color of the “darkest Africa” inhabitants, is derived from That just when one of the family is ill the neigh- hors go on a music rampage. That homely girls will allow any man to make love to then By GEORGE JEAN NATHAN That Montreal and Quebce are just like European cities. That good f tor can. ny druggist can recommend ing as 1, a toothache or a headache as a doc some That all the residents of Holland go around. in wooden shoes, subsist largely on cheese and have windmills in their back yards. That all toe dancers wear a piece of steel in the tips of their slippers, which gives them the necessary support. That during the more amorous operatic duets at the Metropolitan the male singer slips in a few sotto voce and often lascivious digs at his. vis-a- is. That when « for a five-spot. cop gives one a ticket he is looking That a night-club dancer, no matter how respec- table may be when she starts, will, beeause her environment, sooner allied trade. she of or later acquire another That an operation in appendicitis can he avoided if the ailment be taken in time and scattered That chewing gum new pair of pants t uches itself more readily to an old pair. ing carrots brightens the eyes. hat anybody, if caught young enough, ean be aught to draw or play any musical instrument. That the majority of American women dislike the mode of the abbreviated skirt and that the display of the. limbs imposed by it is very distasteful to them. That when a native of Turkey gets to Mecea he thinks he is in heaven, That the persons who conduct the heart-problems departments in’ the letters to answer, newspapers concoct their own That a fireman would rather go to a real fire than be fooled by a false rm. ge of love letters, if got hold of That partaking generously of spinach will make the hair curl. (Continued on page 29) ‘Comicbooks.com