Judge — August 11, 1928 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE BILLIARDS And Their Prevention Before going into the ond lady's bar pin has been lost and will the finder kindly to the author, care of Jupee, as it belongs to his aunt? The bar pin will be recognized as it is pinned to his lucky person will m: why he can keep the his shirts or light th ardon the interruptio: Billiards is a very even older than you or me. 25 years old and hate children, in which respect I am different rds; although I can not hate children, as ‘riously, this “royal game” (billiards) is very will now finish the The object of bil the three balls together with long wooden poles that they are called I guess if you couldn't do this you could say you missed your cue—ha ha! an even break in doing thi management of the billiard-hell furnishes you with chalk To give you there is a very interesting which hangs thereby. It seems a man in Berlin was playing. bil- liards one time and the u ment asked him if he wan r chalk. “No,” said the German, “I Gottschalk.” So then every- body knew his name was I. Gott- schalk and that he b rather amusing stor: when you are writing sp: The first question you will ask if you have read this far is, “What is a ‘carom’? Well, friends, a carom is a word that you make sentences out of when you write letters to columnists, like rom a back to ole Ver- i and “I don't carom not ried to him.” If you. still it to know what a é is, why it is a man who presides over the slaves on a plantation and excuse me the whilst I duck out to the water-cooler. When you start in to y liards, if you have any to do so after reading this, you will probably be told to call your shots. The best way I can think of for doing this is to walk around the billiard-hell with a lantern and say loudly, “Calling Mr. Shotz!" or “Paging Shotz! If there is anybody there named Shotz, you are likely to be in the , as there are some tough ba- bies hang out in those there hells. A “combination” shot is one that you make wearing your dainty underthings, like a step-in or scanties. Personally I never seen anybody } bil- liards in their scanties, but it takes all sorts of people to make a world, and if you knew what I was thinking about you could have me arrested, so let us draw the veil. A ave her” is a pleat, that plaintive noise you often hear if you are a hanger-on around sheep-folds. For those of my public that they are in complete darkness about pleats, it is like a flounce and turning again to Bart- lett’s Book of Quotations, we learn that a flounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Two cracks in one paragraph, what more do you want? Well, dearies, I could go on like this for hours, but I think I hear the process-server hammer- ing on the door to hand me a libel summons, so I will sce you next Tuesday afternoon at the abat- toirs. —Perrrecman Perhaps, after a few million years, spent like this— Evolution will come to the aid of the poor pedestrian, comicbooks.com