Judge — July 28, 1928 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

[_— JUDGE UDG GING te SHOWS A 1928 American Credo great Americ: NSTALMENT No, 2 of the presenting further items in the philosophical circus: That backache is a sure symptom of kidney disease. That backacl ymptom of kidney di That sulphur and molasses, taken in the Sprir purifies the system. on her hair is That any woman using peroxide heading for the downward path. That college athletes can't pass the annual exami nations, but are quietly given good marks by the culty, duly influenced by the alumni, so that they can stay on the teams. That May weddings never turn out as well as June ones. That a large meal of fried onions will ward off a cold in the head. . That the excessively rainy weather that America has been experiencing is due to the presence of so ny radio waves in the upper air. That if the rash of the disease called shingles ever cs entirely around the body, the result is always That policemen assigned to parks have exception- ally cinch jobs. That no small wrist-watch keeps good time and that it is designed simply for ornamental purposes. That future generations will in all probability be born without little toes. That if a girl-child is born to a Chinese family, it is promptly thrown into a river or over a cliff. thlete who in later clops heart troubl s stops training That unless food is taken out of a can immediately after the can is opened, the food remaining in the can will, become ‘contaminated and will give one ptomaine poisoning. That fife insurance salesmen frighten their cus- tomers into buying policies by telling them stories of how men die and leave their wives and children penniless. That nothing is impossible and that it won't be very long before a bridge is built across the Atlantic. That the newer school of med: men can never approach the old family practitioner in efficiency. GEORGE mas NATHAN That soda-water clerks always come down with violent stomachaches their first week in the drug store and hence become so surfeited with sundaes and ice-cream sodas that they never touch so much as a malted milk thereafter, That it is unlucky for a girl to be married in pink That when a man marries « woman with mon calls the fact to his attention the rest of his life. That the one who sneezes when death is the sub. ject of conversation had better pull his left ear lest a similar misfortune befall either himself or one of his kin. That when a druggist is short on a drug, he will substitute another that may harm the sick one. That when a husband in surmounting every d that this invariably ets home late, he succeeds fculty except the last and awakens his wite That 1 longer w of the girls in the co-ed colleges any rs old-fashioned underwear, That composers of symphonies could make for tunes if only they would write musical comedies in- stead, but that they do not care to do so because they are too noble. That jf a person's cducation is of a superior sort, the chances are that he was educated in Europe. That vegetables grown in one’s back yard always taste better than those brought into the ci That Chinamen and Japs can hardly be told apart. That a musical comedy road compa harem, ma tenor, the is a veritable ned for the edification of the »nedian and the orchestra leader. ading at shoemakers’ children usually go barefoot. T a woman who has bleached her hair always looked much better with her natural shade. Th: boss will never come in late when the but should the boss happen to come in early once ina blue moon the employé will come in late that very morning. That when one is riding on a train and passes a beautiful and interesting spot, another train will in- variably come along on the opposite track and will obscure the vie That there are many crooks who are respectable itizens in the daytime and have children who attend high school. comicbooks.com