Judge — July 28, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Serr-Consciovs Husnanp (in new plus-fours)—Do you Are You a “Good Skate” ? With the temy degrees in the st people ature at 107 de and twelve carried feet first into Bellevue this morning, suffering with sun-stroke, there is no time like the present to begin thinking about fancy and figure skating next winter. True, there are plenty of you who will be “skat- ing on thin ice” this summer, go- ing out with married women—h ha, ha—but seriously, that is an- other kind of skating and de- serves a whole book by itself. Sometimes I hope to write this book, and what a book it will be, oh, boy, oh, boy, OH, BOY! First for a little history of “The Sport of Kings” (sk Skates were invented b, Dutch process-servers Lewis Cockroft and Pablo F around 1850. They worked in rel for three da at the end of which time Cockroft had per- fected a left-hand skate and Pi- casso a right-hand one. later invented the microscope and revolving doors, but died of a sudden writ of replevin. Cock- roft, on the other hand, emigrated JUDGE notice my skinny legs? the led ambling much for to France and bee of the Cubists, dice organization. the history of skates. The most difficult branch of “the finny sport” (skating) is undoubtedly figure skating. Apro- pos of the latter, an amusing anecdote cries aloud to be told. A well-known figure in the world of sport in five letters, meaning “in- capable of refusing strawberries,” had been a fancy skater for years. His specialty was forming figure hts on the Tiring of the simplicity of figure eights, he be- gan to form figure sixteens, fig- ure thirty-twos, and eventually figure sixty-fours. From this it was only a step to figure one-hun- dred-twenty-cights, figure — tw hundred-fifty-sixes and figure five- hundred-twelves. At present this noted skater is engaged in cutting figure one-hundred-thirty-one- thousand-seventy-twos at Baffin Bay, the only place large enough for the purpose. His ankles have long since disappeared and are replaced by early colonial ; beds, named Perry Schwartz. No doubt you have seen skat- eB. FOE think anyone will ing exhibitionists pick up their female partner and whirl her around, holding her by the leg, and wondered how it was done. ays to pick ale partner, one of them driving up to the sidewalk and ing, “Hello, cutie, are you walking up my way?" but’ be careful’ that she is not a po- licewoman. Another way is to disguise yourself as a masseuse ina woman's Turkish bath—t is, if you want a Turkish friend—but pick out one that is above the second story, as you may have to leave by the window. A friend of mine who thought that his girl friend was unmar- ried had to jump—but here « are getting off the subject The hardest feat in figure skat- ing is the crull. To be a good cruller ranks with being able to a banana under water and from night school with honors. Even more difficult than the plain crull is the Aus- tralian crull. My advice to any- body who wants to be a cruller is to coat themselves with brown sugar and plunge in hot fat for There are several wa up a f b comicbooks.com