Judge — July 21, 1928 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How Uncle Harvey Became Haunted We were all more or less sur- prised when Uncle Harvey took the notion he wanted to haunt for Uncle Harvey was not ‘ou would call a hauntsome man. ‘And it was not only that he wanted to haunt, but he wanted to be haunted himself. He wanted to be known by his intimates (the intimates of the Institute for the Intellectually Incompetent) as “Haunted Harvey You can im- agine our dismay that a member of the family should be swayed toward ch that, now—most anything able to happen), but then Uncle Harvey always had liked ghoulish things. In fact, his fa- vorite dish was Hungarian ghoul- ish, And by the regular use of Old Dutch toilet soap and no see- onds on butterscotch pie, he had managed to preserve his school ghoulish complexion, (I'll rest up for the next couple of para- graphs now, if you don’t mind.) Well, any one who has looked into haunting in even the most desultory fashion knows that, first, before you can even make a snatch at big-time, you've got to have a ghost. You can't just go blustering off by yourself and start haunting—oh-ho-o-, no; it isn’t as simple as that. And it soon turned out that this haunt ing gag hadn't been Uncle Har- fancy so. ghoulish JUDGE vey’s haunteh at all (1 know, but that one just slipped out—you can see I'm still tired), but he had gone and let himself be talked into it by a Mr. Peter Dwoskin, a retired dealer in slightly used and irregular sized ghosts, who had one or two old marked-down bits of merchandise still floating around, lugging his tire chains all over the p and monkeying with the electricity and making it very difficult to keep help, and Mr. Dwoskin thought he'd at least get them rented out to Uncle Harvey and get that much good out of them. Uncle Harvey was sort of indifferent at first, saying he didn’t know how to haunt and wouldn't know what to do with a ghost if he had one, but Mr. Dwoskin told him of course he would—that it was just a matter of getting the right spirit. The jok on Mr. Dwoskin though, because after he did get Uncle Harvey all pepped up on the subject, why what did Unele Harvey do but turn up his nose at Mr. Dwoskin's ghosts (or “spooks,” as the latter humorously dubbed them, because he said they were so well-behaved and only spook when they were spooken to), what did Unele Har- vey do but turn up his nose at Mr. Dwoskin’s ghosts (I’m paid as it turned out, was Here's one way in which group-tourists can make better time space rates), what did Uncle Harvey do but turn up his nose at Mr. Dwoskin’s ghosts, and go looking for something a little showier. He found exactly the ghost he wanted in t of a Mr. Twitch, hbor gen- tleman, but Mr. itch wouldn't let it go, keeping it in a closet along with a skeleton that had been in the family for several generations, and claiming to be very attac’ to both items. One of Mr. Twitch’s ancestors, away back, had once been attached to the skeleton te t that is an other story and not one to set in these columns, But about Uncle Harv ind and gentle as he is ordinarily, just cross him once in some notion that he's set on and then look out. And when Mr. Twitch firmly refused to part with the ghost, why Uncle Har- y took a shotgun and went back ain, and then Mr. Twitch gave up the ghost all right, all right, and Uncle Harvey brought it home. He later went back and got Mr. Twiteh and stuffed him to go on the parlor mantel. And afterwards he went and got the skeleton too, for he made no bones, and needed some to rattle around when he became a little surer of his ga The game I mention, by the vossession comicbooks.com