Judge — July 21, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ING w= SHO JUDGE 1ur years ago, in an attempt to judge that E greater show that is the American public, I undertook the preparation of an analytical and synthetic handbook entitled “The American Credo.” Its object was to set forth, succinctly and illuminat- ingly, the basic doctrines and philosophical faiths of magnificent s nach aches masses who achiev drinking several millions of dollars’ worth of fake orange juice every year and who believe that, n alcohol and two kinds of drug-store dogin as Mr. ne of doctrinal as- given some gi perfume, anyone can make j Gordon. So bulky did the sumptions grow that it was subsequently necessary » publish three different volumes to contain them all. Nor, with the passing of time, have the three volumes. sufficed, Steadily the catalogue has augmented itself, until to it begins to threaten the E Britannica, aye, even a Dreiser novel, in size. In all parts of the nation scholars ha © applied themselves to the task of assisting the editor in its complete com- By way of making the records more or less all therefore give over this space s, now that the lesser shows are in tempo- yance, to this atest of all shows, to wit, the mind of the American people and the convictions that it harbors. Herewith, Instalment No, 1, of the 1928 American Credo: That light-colored negr more trustworthy than dar r sev- es are more intelligent and d ones. That when a man tells « ject of his narrative is al orial story, the sub- eatly magnified. That the men who worked in breweries used to be allotted two gallons of beer apiece daily, and that the strength that the two gallons to manipulate the heavy barrels. That if people could see what kitchens of restaur: ve them was necdec goes on in. the ts, they would 1 reat out. Al By GEORGE JEAN NATHAN That the most healthful part of the bread is the | crust. That cocktails stimulate the appetite and that, after taking a couple, a man with no appetite at all can wolf down three 1 it large beefsteak, two chicken salads and maybe an apple pie. That all very good singers have to be fat because their breath takes up so much room. That if the present measures of Surgery are kept randchildren will live to see children born minus their appendix and tonsils, That. spin. is the most healthful of all vege- | tables. | That gargling with salt water is bad for the ears and results in ultimate deafness. up, our great- That too much coffee darkens the complexion. | That if a child iy left alone with a wateh, it will promptly disembowel That a better musical education can be got at small European conservatory than is possible where in America because of the wonderful musical atmosphere over there. That all fathers get stumped by their sons’ algebra problems. ‘That if a cat is left with a canary or goldfish, only the cat will be left when the family returns. That if one runs up a big bill with a grocer, he always tacks on a few things that one never bought. That girls who have beautiful legs usually have homely faces, and that girls who have beautiful faces | usually have funny leg: That when you look for something in a pile, the thing is bound to be near the bottom and that, if sus- pecting this state of affairs, you start at the bottom, ind to be near the top. (Continued on page 31) and an excellent admirable staging. better than it intrinsically is “Tha Royal Famil/"* (selwy ji and West is West, heace better suited ty ka. “The Happy Husband” (Ecapire)— Billie Burke and A. E. Matthews, drew ed engaging in company amd an interesting One Gay eater. jesalie” (New Ameteriam)—The eye will be pleasured, “Paris Bound” (Music Box)—\ de “Raia or Shine" (( Some ex- cellent fooling is 00, view “The Three Musketeers’ eminent fence of the double st written “Exeass Baggng: plot redeemed by © ard, milkily Lyrie)—An tinfactory evening, (Ritz) — A banal ality in detail “Get Me in the Mevies" (Carrol) Garlea) “Dr. Hock keyehines Garbage. “Sey When" (Morosco)—Maybe I'll about it later ‘elies”™ (Booth)—The ‘Blackbirds of 1928" (Liberty)—If you ta good rawet show, here it is, gente “Show Beat” (Ziezfeld)—The best of comicbooks.com