Judge — July 21, 1928 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Over Niagara in a Rotary Washer, Ever since I announced in the columns of this ma ne last July that I was going to take the trip over Niagara Falls in a ro- tary washing-machine on Moth- ers’ Day next year, there has been a flood of two letters a month pouring in demanding details of all sorts. As this is eating up all the overhes in the office and wearing three stenographers to the nub opening and answering I have decided to quench the stream of curiosity and explain my position. these missles, So many people have gone over i gara Falls) rs, that the thing has almost become a_plati- tude and you might just as well be lying at home in bed playing Halma for all the excitement you get. Last year Major Weather- cock even made the journey in a gravy boat to prove how easy it My plan, however, is to put back a little sport into the old ride, and I figure that if I am whirl- ing in a rotary motion, at the same time descending a four-hun- was. dred-foot falls, why perhaps there JUDGE will be a few moments when I am not bored. For this ride I have chosen a model 3-B Little Gem Rotary Washer, which sleeps two and even has a little galley attached in which I can do a little cooking. Everybody gets tired of cating in restaurants all the time, ever want to, why Te: egg or fry some water avoid acid stomach, that curse of previous Also, attached to the starboard side of the craft, is a beautiful brass binnacle; so ship-shape, in fact, that I might almost dub it the binnacle of my ambitions. also other accessories too numerous to mention, includ- ing a sextant, should I care to take along a female companion. The sextant is a handy little in- strument that determines the sex of anybody that comes near it. For instance, if a girl should ap- proach within five feet of the in- dicator, it would blush a deep red and leave the room. Then you will know you are standing in the presence of one of “the weaker There are look around women sex,” and you can and see if any climbed aboard. have Why are you taking this trip on Mothers’ Day? is the most nu- merous question asked by admir- ers, I am taking this trip on Mothers’ Day because I want it to be a lesson to children’ the world over and not beat their mothers on this day in the future. When I have come out of the water below the falls, they will regret that they ever took a stick to their old. gr: red mammy that rocked th to the of Nod many's the time nursed them from the Valley of low. How would you like mother and for no reason get cudgeled black and blue? It would not be som I can tell you. Although [have never been a mother, still [have feelings like anyone else and rarely if ever | she has talked b: offense like that. So please, boys, do not flog your mothers, Of course, like all people that have he-men’s blood in their veins instead of lukewarm milk, I have been flayed by the critics, ind they have dubbed my whole scheme “Perelman’s Folly” and Great Mississippi Bubb! Some of them have even gone so at mine, unless or some real comicbooks.com