Judge, 1928-07-07 · page 26 of 36
Judge — July 7, 1928 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humorous story by Fairfax Downey mocking the 1920s-30s design trend of disguising modern conveniences as period furniture or decorative objects. The host obsessively hides every mechanical device: a telephone concealed in a clock case, a phonograph disguised as a drawer, a radio hidden in furniture, a cooling electric fan camouflaged as ornamental decor, and a stove that *looks* like ornate furniture (burning the narrator's hand). His ultimate triumph: a bathtub so thoroughly concealed that his wife has to scream from inside it to reveal its location. The satire targets wealthy homeowners attempting to maintain a pseudo-medieval or "tasteful" aesthetic while possessing all modern conveniences—treating technology as something shameful that must be hidden rather than acknowledged. The joke is the absurdity of this contradiction: why own these devices if you're too embarrassed to display them? The page also includes an unrelated cartoon caption about dental hygiene and a brief blues-music joke at bottom.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SURE,I KEEP MY TEETH CLEAN WITH SANDPAPER,SAID THE HEAD CAR/IGOU Think of me in the hot city grinding these out whilst you splash in the surf. want to see a priest?” as had diphtheria?” countered case,” replied the doc. The House Deceptive TT" persistent ringing of the grandfather's clock diverted my host from the tour through his new home, on which he was about to take me. chimes or an alarm y host sniffed ned the case of the clock, took a concealed tel its stand within and “That illustrate schen sumed as he hung up. “You will admit that a telephone out in the open is not a pretty sight. mask every crass, mec ject. Now take this net—" “It's: radi “It is,’ “And this chest of drawers is a phono- graph. There's an radio in shone from swered it. my whole of decoration,” he re- nical ob- the bureau in our ro “You probably can’t open a drawer in the house without some pleasant little surprise,” I. ven- tured. “You look for a dress shirt or a pair of socks, and you get the aria from ‘Samson and Delilah’ or a selection from the Jolliness Boys “You are joking,” said my host, a trifle crossly. “But there is out-and-out musical instrumen I declared, pointing to a small harpsichord. L_ _ “Well, my boy, you're in a bad way; do you d Dr, Charleston ry McSo en send int want to give a priest the diphtheria?” said Terry. your church and I'll go to—the movies, “Did you say I “es, and @ serious , do you think I “Wrong.” my host eried trium- “That's my typewriter approved. “And “Wonderful,” I ates behind this hand- cooling electric fan,” he revealed. “Tchallenge you to fi “Splendid, old man,” I compli mented. “But if you don’t mind my saying so, I find it a little dim. “It is at present,” he con- fessed. “But some of the bulbs are burned out, and would you believe it? 1 can’t find where to put new one , a. to the dining room able of which stood a low, medieval lectern holding a iMuminated manuseript. he morning paper is folded this manuscript,” he ex- ed. “Ugly things, news- pers right out in plain sight. And now for the next room—the kitchen, Can you imagine it is a kitchen?” 1 could not—not unless I had burned my hand on an ornate piece of furniture that proved to he the stove. And so we toured that house thousand camouflages, my ment continually increas- of a ing. At last with the riving at the m: » of all disguises, my host laid his hand ona door knob and threw open the door, declaiming as he did so in impressive tones: “And now I defy you to find the bathtub!” I never would have, if my host- ess had not screamed from it. —Faimrax Downey air of one ar- “What you all in mourning for, Violet?” “Al’m goin’ to your funeral, man—'cause ah hears you been promenadin’ with a ‘other mama.” comicbooks.com