Judge — June 23, 1928 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Translated from Merlin’s Memoirs Dr. Theophrastus Seuss YE GENERALS OF INDUSTRIE IN CAMELOT ALARIC, ye Philanthropist EN years ago the torture racket in our town was not the high-developed industrie it is today. Ai strictly private enterprise it was, and any knyght who wished to make his prisoners annoyed would run them through the wash- wringer down in his familie cellar. This was a beastly inconvenience as it kept the knyghts from sitting evenings by the fire and telling bedd- tyme stories to their kiddies. "No Bunnie Rabbit tales tonight,” the wives would all too often tell the wee ones. “Your papa’s at his homework in the dungeon.” The children wept; the mothers also felt neglect, so often were they left alone. The entire homelife of the realm was gravely undermined. There was in town just then a wide-awake ob- serving chappe named Alaric, who made his living peddling soap and bluing at the kitchen doors of castles. It grieved his tender heart to see that children had no contact with their daddies. And everie day a score or more of lonely wives would beg him for his kisses. This Ye Skylark Box and Devil's Grill in action was too much for Alaric, so out of purest kindly feeling, he did open up on Myrtle Street a cosy little dungeon. And it was called Ye Sunbrite Torture Chambers, Inc. Within a fortnight Alaric worked up a snootie clientel. Each evening on their way back home from war, ye knyghts would stop and leave their prisoners to his devices. He hung the captive dukes and kyngs upon a hat-rack, bottom down above a charcoal flame. (“It’s toasted” was his advertising slogan.) Red-headed prisoners he placed inside the “Skylark Box” with head and legs protruding. And skylarks, mistaking their red hair for heather, came in droves and plucked out sprout by sprout and flew away to line their nests therewith. Each day he added countless new gadgets to his shoppe, and soon had all the business in the town, Their evenings free, the knyghts became the tenderest of husbands. Once more the wivelets smiled and sang; once more the kiddies went to bed and dreamed of (Continued on page 32) “But now T have a new and greater mission” comicbooks.com