Judge — June 2, 1928 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Translated from Merlin’s Memoirs By Dr. Theophrastus Seuss HOW ARTHUR SAVED HIS MOUSTACHE F all our many enemies, the heathen Saracens do be the worst, and every spring they come to Camelot and strive to clean us out. Their kyng, a man of won- drous strength, named Acorn III, hath sworn to pull Kyng Arthur's beard out sprout by sprout; and though he will not say so, Arthur shivvers in his boots to hear his very name. Last week they came again, and Arthur, putting up a bolden front, did manage to stay home from battle, and at the same time was not thought a coward. "Farewell, mine gel,” quoth he to Gwenevere. “Outside the trumpet sounds and I must up and lead mine men against the heathen foe!” “But what of Acorn Il?” the “LT must go forth to battle,” quoth the Kyng queen did sob. “That dreadful guy hath threatened to unbeard you. beard collector of all time, and every year doth And as you know he is the greatest stuff an ostermoor with regal whiskers gathered all the world around!” “Fear not for me,” bragged Art. “That big- mouthed bum hath met his match. Ull make a necklace of his teeth to hang around thy pretty neck. And with those teeth that do remain, Vil start a chapter of ye Elks.” He grabbed his sword, and kissed her ruby finger- tips adieu, but then his eyes did chance to fall upon his metal pants. “How now!” he roared. “I can- not go to battle thusly clad! These trou have not been pressed since Michaelmass, and what is more mine cast iron vest is all bewrinkled. The heathen kyng, that Acorn III, is quite a nobby dresser. If 1 did go like this, I'd be the laughing stock.” This was mine cue, and I, the cagey Merlin, then stepped forth from where I had been hiding. “Most true, my liege,” I did assure him with a wynk. “If thou went out like this, what would the tabloids say tomorrow? ‘Sloppy Kyng Mars Bril- “Clad in his B. V. Des, hia ty did play liant Battle Function. Conspicuous by Slovenly a wicked ga 7 . (Continued on page 29) comicbooks.com