Judge — May 26, 1928 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE L The bluest book I’ve read in many days Is Sam'l Hoffenstein’s “Poems in Praise of Practically Nothing” and I bet I'll have the dumps for a long time yet! Well, listen to this— “The apple grows so bright and high And ends its days in apple pie.” or this— “You're a good girl; you're gray with virtue, The very thought of a misstep hurt know hoarded Against the day when warded; You see a girl who's all men’s vassal Marry a duke in his own castle; You see another, who can’t say ‘No, sir,’ Capture at grocer, But you never let your thoughts grow sordid, You know in your heart you'll be rewarded. Well, the years go by, like queens and roses, The way they did in the time of Moses, And what do you get? teeth, a doorman, A complez, or assistant foreman!” you, that honor You must be it’s: re- least a wholesale False or this! “Between death We play the schoolboy pranks of breath, the mighty legs of Scrawl challenge on his sodden boots The while he coils his cypress- roots.” After reading such thoughts as these, I have the very unladylike desire to go right out and get plastered! Oh, Mister Hoffen- stein, ain't you got no faith in womankind at all? But, what do Icare! You're a great poct yet! Philip Wylie in a great book, “Heavy Laden,” also gives me the blues! In fact, the things I've read during the past week have put me in a state of mind that would make Iago and Ham- let look like the Happiness Boys! And then, to rub it in, Mr. Wylie, in this great book of his, stops every once in a while and pro- ceeds to tell,the reader just what he thinks of him, or her, and by the time you are through you're afraid to look at yourself in the mirror! Go ahead and read it! It'll hurt you a lot more than it does me! “Gracious, Hubert! Shall I call a plumber?” “Not on your life! That bootlegger upstairs simply had an accident in his storeroom.” Harvey Wickham in “The Mis- behaviorists” makes me sad_be- cause I don’t known what the— heck he is talking about! He gets hot under the collar (a cleri- cal one, I suspect) at Messrs. Freud, Durant, Dorsey and other very modern gentlemen and throws ten-dollar words around as recklessly as pennies. Once in a while, however, I could de- tect a rift in his wordy clouds and get a hazy idea of what he was after and then I didn’t agree with him! For example, in his Freud razzing on “Unfulfilled wishes and suppressed desires” he quotes Dr. Freud thusly, “Nothing can be brought to an end in the un- conscious; nothing can cease or be forgotten,” and then goes on to give this example: “This im- plies that a wish cannot be de- flected, but persists as a desire for its original object—which is totally contrary to reason and common sense. It is the same thing as saying that a boy who was looking forward to a Satur- day afternoon visit to his grand- mother’s grave and was induced to go to the circus instead, would straightway — forget i but the circus and yet be by an unconscious desire for the grave!” Now, I don't. know much about boys (Oh, no! Not much!), but I never heard of a boy who looked forward to a Saturday afternoon visit to his (Continued on page 32) “So you go to West Point—how interesting! Do they have compulsory military training there?” a comicbooks.com