Judge — April 14, 1928 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

He Never Made a Speech Y Friday there will have been delivered this B week some thousands of speeches celebrating the birthday of Thomas Jefferson, who lived to be cighty-three and never made a specch. Jefferson did several useful things. He wrote the Declaration of Independence and to him we owe the bill of rights. He founded the Democratic party and threw pomp and circumstance out of the White House, He put through the Louisiana Purchase and sent Lewis and Clark trail-blazing. He was an carly advocate of freeing the slaves and -the first statesman to propose free public schools, He con demned the “ruinous folly of a navy" and he even believed that human nature can be changed for the better. But of all his doctrines the one that holds the eatest potentiality for human happiness, if ever adopted, is his distaste for speechifying and for argufying. He held that public opinion should be formed by the harder processes of attentive reading, equitable conversation and coo! thinking. all ourselves a Jeffersonian nation? We with our tabloid press and our catch word debates, our bare-handed salesmanship, our desk-denting executives, our peppy conferences, our after-dinner orgies, our political demagoguery, our th ia and How then can we ands obsessed) with microphone — ma our millions suffering from insufficiency of radio- resistance ? Will the readers of Jupce join, on this glorious anniversary, in founding a Jeffersonian Society for the Suppressicu of Speech ing? We're so ex- cited about the idea that we're asking our lecture bureau to date us up for a stumping tour straight across the continent, We'll put it over if we have to talk a lung out. For Speeding Up Golf He noted the new rules of the American League for speeding up baseball, we have com- piled the following tentative list of suggestions for speeding up the Foursome that Always Plays Ahead of Us. In teeing off, every wag, above two shall add penalty strokes reckoned by arithmetical progression. After the drive, only five minutes shall be allowed for hunting wooden tees G Arvociate Editors, Richard J. Waleb, Phil Rosa, Jack Sbuttlew George Jean Nathan Through the fairway, one practice swing will be permitted for each two divots replaced. Twenty seconds will be allowed for tamping down the sod behind the ball, or for cutting grass around a heavy lie in the rough. When a ball lies under a tree, the caddies holding back the branches shall count ten and then let go, if possible causing branches to strike the player's neck and hip-pocket. After a ball is lost, the player shall be allowed a decent interval, but no more, for the erection of a cairn and for a brief service of prayer. On the green, the ball furthest from the hole shall be putted only three times before the other players are permitted to walk up to their own balls and dis cover that they have their mashies instead of their putters. Squinting putts from tw but triangulation, differen trances are barred. Before leaving the green, each player may receive by mistake and return the in rotation: pencils may be borrowed, scores may be written down, discussed, up, and bets settled; but bags, clubs, caps and ciga rette butts left on the opposite side of the green shall he abandoned. directions is permissible, 1 calculus and hypnotic all of each other player sed, revised and added In cursing out caddies, a player shall not be per- mitted to p rhetorical effect. Delay sed by standing and staring back at us when we shoot into him shall subject any player to instant expulsion from the club, Any delay caused by traffic jams, railroad wrecks, acts of deity, bankruptcy or sudden death whieh may prevent any members of this foursome from arriving at the course at all, will be all right with us. Younger Generation Notes. No. 17 Tit omen’s national indoor doubles title way won t Longwood the other day by Mrs. George W. Wightman and Sarah Palfrey.” Miss Palfrey is fourteen years old. With the Davis Cup team at Mexico City is W. F. Coen Jr. In the try-outs Coen beat Chandler, Doeg and Jones, and gave Tilden a hard five-set tussle. He is sixteen years old. Three other members of the team are in their twentie The Generation that is supposed to be wrecking itself with rum and riot still miraculously produces a few sound bodies and alert minds. RSW, comicbooks.com