Judge, 1928-04-14 · page 10 of 36
Judge — April 14, 1928 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The New Service" by A.L. Lippmann This satirical story mocks the aggressive salesmen and subscription services proliferating in early 20th-century consumer culture. Two representatives from "Witherspoon, Hemingway and Holmes, Modernists and Living Counsellors" pitch absurd rental schemes: rotating artwork weekly and furniture every two weeks so homes constantly reflect different aesthetic styles (Maxfield Parrish, Gothic, Louis XVI, Colonial, etc.). The joke escalates when a third salesman arrives peddling "Thought-A-Day"—renting new opinions and conversation. The narrator's exasperation culminates in violence, with a jury returning a "Justifiable Homicide" verdict, suggesting readers will sympathize with killing intrusive salesmen. The cartoon (captioned "Hey, Wife, will you please answer the phone?") shows domestic chaos—likely illustrating how such services disrupt home life. The satire critiques consumerism's invasion of private space and the era's relentless marketing culture treating everything—even thoughts—as purchasable commodities.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE | The bell rang impatiently and I opened the front door myself. “I have a vital message for you,” said a tall, efficient-looking young man. “My name is Dore- mus Gable and I am sales mis- on the staff of Messrs. Witherspoon, Hemingway and Holmes, Modernists and Living Counsellors. May I have a few moments of your valuable time?” “Five minutes,” I answered, re- membering my golf date with Parker at noon. Mr. Gable proceeded with alac- rity “Would you read the same book three hundred times?” he thundered. “Think it over. Would you see the same movie three hundred times? Ridiculous? Of course. Yet you'll gaze at the same old pictures in your home year after year—the same old etchings, the same old water colors, the identical lithographs. I want to enroll you in the Change - Your - Pictures - Weekly Club. For an advance down pay- ment of twenty-five dollars a year we will send to your home a set of five new pictures every seven days. Thus each Monday the sionary THE NEW SERVICE By A. L. Lippmann mood of your home will change entirely. | Early in January it will present a Maxfield Parrish motif. The second week will find it in the spirit of the Flemish masters. The third week it will reflect the witchery of Pennell’s etching. The fourth nv I shook my head discourag ingly to indicate that as a pros- pect L was colder than an iceberg. “Just a moment, please,” he added, “maybe I can interest you in our furniture of the fortnight service. No doubt you are quite bored with your present furni- ture, possibly even a bit ashamed of it. A single down payment of fifty dollars and we will com- pletely refurnish your home every other Thursday. We carry all periods in stock. Thus you can dwell in a Gothic atmosphere when entertaining the minister at tea. Have you any French friends? Time your invitations so that they will arrive during the two weeks that your home is under the Louis XVI. influence. For old American families we have Colonials and Duncan Phyfes. Your English friends “Hey, Wife, will you please answer the phone?” will love our moderns will ture-in-blue, and...” “Sorry to interrupt.” said a stranger who was almost upon us before I noticed him, “my name is Walter Weems, also represent- ing Messrs. Witherspoon, Hem- ingway and Holmes, At this point I must take up Mr. Gable’s You see, Mr. Gable is s-Missionary-For-March, while I am Representative-For- April. His contract expires to- day at noon and I am here to interest. you in our Thought-A- Day System. We will supply you with new thoughts, new con- versation, new opinions, and——" I wasn't responsible for what happened thereafter and the en- lightened people of this great state served the simple ends of justice last Tuesday when my jury returned a unanimous ver- dict of “Justifiable Homicide.” Tudors, young rave about furni- Just sign this blank canvass. our § Annabelle is so dumb she thinks foothills are corns. comicbooks.com