Judge — April 7, 1928 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SIR GALAHAD’S REFORMS OME time ago ye knightes were called off to a war in France. And Galahad did seize upon this as a chance to stay at home and push a bonedry bill across. No sooner had Kyng Arthur and his men departed town, when Galahad, that pussie-footed churl, did call a big mass meetyng of ye Epworth League, ye Book and Thimble Club and ye Jolly Maids of Temperance. “Hark! Hark! mine sisters,” he did shout upon ye platform, “give ear to these statistics! Do ye know that in ye year 529 more money was ex- pended here in Camelot on Gynn Rickies than on Babies’ Bibs and Tuckers? Mothers! shall your babes go tuckerless in order that your husbands might be-foul themselves with rum? And do ye know if all the beer Kyng Arthur and his knightes consumed between the sixth and twelfth of March were poured into one vat, that forty stallions could be drowned therein? The knightes did quaff more foam than could be manufactured by ye Lux Con- cern in fifteen fortnights. Dost thou know this, oh dames?” “Goode gracious Peter me!” did shriek a frenzied lady in ye balcony, and she did fall into @ swound. And then Sir Galahad did show them wondrous charts which made them pale and faint in greater Translated from Merlin’s Memoirs By Dr. Theophrastus Seuss numbers. “On the left,” quoth he, in clear un- faltering tone, “we have the stomach of a healthy temperate man of God. A beauteous thing; a pleasure to behold, forsooth. And I dare say that I alone of all ye knightes of Caimelot do have one such as this.” (And thereupon he blushed a bit for having been so intimate.) "But ladies! Look upon the 'Tis there we spend a merrie hour in quafing toasts to Galahad. other one! These be the innards of a man of vice ...a man whose lips have tasted of the grape. The man who frequents tippling shoppes doth carry such a thing beneath his B. V. D.’s. And such a reprobate will die of grippe, distemper, scurvey, jaundice, corpulence or palsey. And all his children will be little nuts. Come, ladies, now; what do you say to this?” "Oh! Rowdy-dow!” did howl Ye Maids of Temperance. “If this be so, then have our hus- bands drunk their last of Bacardi!” And straight. away they upped and passed a bill that did forbid the sale of drynking potions. And it was called ye Fullstead Act, for that was Galahad's own middle name. And when ye Knightes returned from war, they found the land a different place. Ye taverns and ye inns were all be-padlocked and ye seven score breweries of Sir Budweiser were making fudge. (Continued on page 29) comicbooks.com