Judge, 1927-11-26 · page 7 of 36
Judge — November 26, 1927 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page from *Judge* magazine contains three distinct pieces: 1. **Top cartoon**: A humorous Christmas scene showing neighbors debating whether Jones is hauling a "yule log" or simply "James" (a person). The joke plays on the double meaning. 2. **"If Dickens Had Been Hemingway"**: A literary parody contrasting Charles Dickens's verbose *A Christmas Carol* with Ernest Hemingway's sparse, hard-boiled writing style. Characters like Marley and Scrooge interact in terse, tough-guy dialogue instead of Dickens's elaborate prose—satirizing Hemingway's distinctive minimalist approach. 3. **"Waking Moments"**: Humorous advice about which drinks cause specific hangovers, attributing personality traits to morning-after symptoms (gin causes "colicky taste," ale causes "hearty" feelings, etc.). The page targets literary style and holiday excess.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
If Dickens Had Been Hemingway Marley was dead drunk, to be- gin with. Scrooge was-a_ bit tight, too. A quart of White Horse before lunch. ‘My God,” he said. “Don’t be ridiculous,” Marley said. ‘You make me sore,” Scrooge said. Old Marley smashed his face. “Don’t be an ass,” Scrooge said... . At the Marble Arch, Scrooge got a cab out Tottenham Court Road to the Strand, through Bloomsbury, past Soho and Re- gent Street. A cab passed. In it was the Ghost of a Christmas Present. “Christmas, Hell,” Scrooge said. “You're damn right,” — the Ghost said. “Oh, forget it,” Scrooge said. “Have a drink,” the Ghost ure,” Scrooge said. At the next table’ were old Mr. and Mrs. Fezziwig, cock-eyed. “Where the hell is Tiny Tim?” Scrooge said. Neicunor—Jones is planning a Christmas celebra- tion—I see they're carrying in a yule log. “That’s not a yule log—that's Jones.” “Passed out. Up-stairs. Ice cream and rye,” old Fezziwig said. Scrooge went up to his room. Tiny Tim lay on the drunk. “Have a drink,” Scrooge said. “I’m blind now,” Tim said. “Don't be an ass,” Scrooge said. Tiny Tim broke his crutch on Serooge’s jaw. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “Don't be a bore,” Scrooge said. —En.ison Hoover Waking Moments If you have been drinking gin you should wake up with a cot tony taste. If you've been drink- ing Scotch you should wake up tight. If you've been drinking ale you should wake up feeling hearty. If you've been drinking stout you should wake up feeling heavy. If you've been drinking rye you should wake up feel- ing rocky, and if you've been drinking bootleg you should Santa’s joke on the flapper, wake up feeling darn lucky. who fell asleep by the fireside. —Jack SHuTrLewortTu comicbooks.com