Judge — November 19, 1927 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE ‘The Mythological Movie once upon a time there was 2 movie and the heros hair was not slicked down with mobile b and the heroine was not a shy country lass near a gate on a dusty road with a large brimmed straw hat and the villain was not a city fella and didnt say heh heh heh and leer and wear spats and when the hero kissed the heroines hand she didnt look at the spot after he had gone and press it to her lips and lean against the gate and sigh and nobody had a fast roadster and bow tie and nobody was from the north west mounted and got his man and a gun didnt speak or anything and no papers were torn up and no mortgages lifted and the butler was not an inside man with side burns and ya mister donaldson to sce you sir and cigarets were taken out of a pack and not off a silver platter and when calford smacked hilton across the pan with a pair of gloves hilton didnt make a bow and notify his seconds and no- body hissed and said ill get you for this and detective macready didnt get a sudden thought and snap his fingers and notify head- quarters and nobody changed from an awkward little brat into lovely womanhood and a letter was written that didnt have to be mailed at once and when the hero came upon the heroine she wasnt taken by surprise in a cow pas- ture near a lake with swans and there were no long shadows or setting sun and the title didnt say a year later and show the “Shay, tree; I ain’t sho drunk ash you thought!” —Jack Cruetr Here’s the big-time laugh they'll be pulling in the winter revues, so light your jimmy-pipe and give ear. “Did you like those brandied peaches I sent you, papa?” asked dutiful Minna. “Ah suttinly did!” replied the ancient, combing his beard. “And most of all I liked the spirit in which they were sent!” If any- body here wants a real rough-house, kindly step out in the alley. hero coming home from a spinach bed and his wife didnt wave and run to meet him with a bunch of kids and a collie in one arm and her uncles will in the other and there were no flappers in the next seat who said aint he grand and snapped their gum and the little boy on the right didnt say whas at mean mama and squirm and the fat woman in back didnt re- peat every title out loud and now children thats the end gee uncle quackenbush thats a wonderful fairy story now get upstairs be- fore the boogy man gets you. 15 comicbooks.com