Judge — November 5, 1927 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE | fondle the headwaiter or one of the bus-boys you should be stern with her and call for the check. | Most of the Park Avenue babies who are invariably smart have ] eschewed prams and the usual rubber-tired carriages and are now to be seen in those long low Bugattis or Citroens. Here again there is no use in trying to work off a Buick sedan or an Oldsmo- bile on Baby, for if she knows you can afford a Mercedes or a Re- nault, your goose is cooked. If Baby shows signs of teeth- ing a small bottle of hammered iver shaped like a flask and filled with Wilson’s 1904 rye will quiet her quickly. She should rarely be allowed to smoke more arettes aday = Warr-Paper Dr or she will develop one of aged persons % those Francine Larrimore-Jeanne Eagels voices. If she starts the | racket about all her girl friends | having monogrammed — gaspers, don’t frown, but haul out your check-book, as arguing is of no avail and if you don’t give, some other baby-fancier will. A last word: the care of Baby needs a cool head and a generous disposition. Never let Baby Ke than two packs of ci —Its use to be forcibly inflicted upon middle- hout offspring, who publicly mourn the fact. | know, whatever you do, about the i Little Woman at home, as there is ] a bad disease called blackmail | prevalent now and Baby may con- tract it. On the other hand, it is even worse to let the Loving Helpmate learn about Baby, so stick to the lesser-known speak- casies if you don’t want to be hiring divorce lawyers. A good man should be able to handle about three babies if his bank . , j balance can stand it, but Mr. Wanxpa—What’s the hurry? Average Reader will have PLENTY Witiarp—Party tonight—and I’m out of hair-oil! to do if he intends to take care of one. The Separating Union Joyce—Are Billy and Alice as inseparable as ever? / | Jack—No; they're married now. Liquor used to be used at wakes, but now it causes them. Talking movies will never be a success. There’s too much Motuer—Oh, yes, we've solved the problem of what to do competition in the audience. with children between the ages of 16 and ? comicbooks.com