Judge — June 18, 1927 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THAT REMINDS ME OF A STORY BEGAN SCHMOLTZ All in favor of getting tight this afternoon, say aye! Unanimous. . But first let’s "ell me, does press leave today?” asked a y old lady of a guard at the railway station. “Well, ma'am,” replied the guard, softly chewing his cud, “it has for the past eight years, and I don’t think it will take it along today!” That’s the way to treat them foreigners! have a story. the Gilt Edge E this track Lines to Successful Country Boys In spring when you gentlemen wax effervescent tenderly touch on how much you're endeared To sod that you trod as a shy adolescent, I, too, laud the homestead in which I was reared. I sing the small foyer that I had to dress in, The day-bed whose hardness my ribs still can feel, The cold cuts from Schulzen- heim’s delicatessen, (Pitce de resistance of many a meal) And The radios blaring ’til half past eleven, The clang of the cars and the roar of the “L,” The dumb-waiter’s whistle at quarter to seven A. M. and my tutinal yell To Tony the Iceman. forget it— That drab little flat of my in- nocent years, father’s ma- I'll never Containing three rooms and a cute kitchenette. It Is this recollection that moves me to tears. Go back, country boy, to the orchards you thrived in; Go back to the scenes of your boyhood romance ; Go back to the old swimmin’ hole that you dived in; Go back to the mother who mended your pants. I, too, shall return to the side- walk I chalked up, The lamp-post I climbed up in lieu of a tree, And sit on the stairs I so many times walked up— The stairs to our homestead— Apartment 4D! The Old Folks at Home will effusively greet you; The Firemen’s Band will oblige with a tune; The Mansion House loafers will probably mect you, But when J return—and it’s going to be soon— To loiter again where I learned of Jack Horner And Little Miss Muffet in days dead and gone, A huge office building will fill the old corner And brusquely some police will bellow, “Move on! —Artuer L, Lippmann nan The wife wanted a closed car, the kiddies would only be quiet when bus riding, and he would have an open roadster. Parlor—Bedroom—and_ bath! The Rest of the Story After he had eaten Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf paused only long enough to take off Grandma’s clothing. Then he hot-footed it to the nearest te graph office and sent two mes- sages: Sparkto Company, 1314 South Applesauce Ave., New York City, N. Y. Cannot recommend your Sparklo-for-the-Eyes too highly stop after only one application my eyes were so large and shiney that Red Riding Hood commented on them the minute she entered room stop would not take thou- sand bucks for trial bottle you sent me stop you have permission to use this message and my name in advertising if you wish. A. Worr. Keen Teeru, Inc., ; North Bologny Bivd., Chicago, Ill. Delighted to say your new tooth sharpening compound ex- tremely satisfactory comma giv ing remarkable results first timc used stop Red Riding Hood’s first remark was quotes oh comma grandma exclamation point what makes your teeth so sharp in- terrogation point end quote stop without your product am certain my visit to grandma's house would have been complete flop. A. Wor. —Cuert Jounson comicbooks.com