Judge — May 21, 1927 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HOW TO MAKE LOVE J. S. PERELMAN ‘ou Round the merry whirl we go. Hearts light es 0 fecther © Ai the joys of lifé we know, Tangoing together: Seventh Lesson With the Maxixe, the Turkey Trot, the Hesitation Waltz and the Schottische out of favor in the “haut monde,’ the Tango seems destined to replace even the Lancers in popularity. Out of this fashionable and _ refined dance a new kind of LOVE has sprung, a LOVE of tender woo- ing to the dreamy strains of Dar- danella and Sam, the Old Accor- dion Man, amid s of almost magic splendor. This daring and original form of LOVE is called TANGO LOVE. In the above two photographs (posed exclusively for Jupce by Gilbert Seldom and Rose Coggles) we see a pair of LOVERS “tripping the light fantastic toe.” They dance to bewitching music by the orchestra concealed behind the palms shown in the background of the pictures. Un- fortunately the palms are also in- visible, but they are there, all right, all right, if you only look close enough. The rich hangings and splendid candelabra form an appropriate setting for this happy pair indeed. See how Rose, coquette that she is, shows a dimpled smile as Gil- bert, that handsome rascal, tells her that she is the only gravel on gat When the Tango olortslophy, On. ' With its airs entrancing, How the hours fee? away, pis, Sweetheart, with you deocing. the beach for him. Her laughing “Go boil your ears in deep fat” only spurs on this impetuous chap to renewed ardor. But suddenly Gilbert grows serious. ‘“‘And when will wedding bells ring for us, Rose colleen?” he asks his amoreuse, who playfully pinches his watch and chain and dis- appears behind a royal palm for a swig of beef tea. In the other picture the pair are doing an exhibition dance in honor of their engagement. Rose has a pretty ankle (Lord bless us!) and she knows it; Gilbert looks down at her pretty foot stealing in and out underneath her denim smock and gazes appre- ciatively at her “pedal extremi- ties,” for who so old that he can- not still admire a pretty foot? blushing like a pail of ash, quickly adjusts her skirt and chides the chuckling Gilbert with a roguish admonish- ment. But stay! The orchestra is playing “Good Night, Ladies” and already the police wagons are backing up to the rear entrance. In a moment another night of ro- mance and glamor will have drawn to a close as Rose, her head on Gilbert’s shoulder and his arm encircling her small It Can’t Be Done Being a Chronological Narrative of Dr. Milton Lavender’s Futile and Tragic Attempt to Con- sume an Entire Sunday News- paper. (Dr. Lavender spent six months intensive training in the Adiron- dacks for this contest. During that time he ate nothing that did not contain both the A & B Vita- mines and read Theodore Dreiser's “American Tragedy” throughout, to say nothing of “The Wander- ing Jew,” by Eugene Sue, and all of William Dean Howells’ novels.) 5.00 A. M. After shaking hands with thirty camera men, fifteen reporters and Otto H. Kahn, Dr. Lavender retires to his study to start his tragic attempt to read every word of a Metro- politan Sunday Newspaper. He is accompanied by four Seconds, three Physicians and the Judges appointed by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. 5.30. Reports from his study chair reveal him reading the News Section smoothly, dropping a witty comment now and then about Henry Ford. 7.00. He turns to the Editorial Section. He is rather caustic in his comment on the Coolidge Ad- ministration. 9.00. The Doctor passes on to the Radio Section. He asks for a glass of water. The charts show- ing different “hook-ups” irritate him. Small beads of perspiration appear on his forehead. 10.00. The Doctor is allowed waist, walks slowly homeward. First Sarptine—Who ya shovin’? comicbooks.com