Judge — May 14, 1927 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Rec. U.S. Par. Ore MOLLE =MO-LAY- For Shaving WwiTHOUT BRUSH OR LATHER (pread On --- Pee ff Just spread MOLLE over ihe beard with ihe finger tips and shave. lis a revelation in face comfort. Hair Avalysia blir Cost Y One of Pr fer'e gonial Tepor tamy Jamous patients for your us specialist. ANALYSIS COUPON : Mail today, enclosing samples of your hair. PROFESSOR SCHOLDER INSTITUTE J-5 101 W. 42nd St., New York, N. Y. OF BRAINS. CiGars -MADE AT KEY WEST— ver plate, Single pins38c ea. choice 2 colors en- Amal, 3 leters, date. Sterling Sliver, 19 or more Acca, Single pins éSe.ea, Free Cat, shows Pins, Riags, Emblems 20c to $3ea. “Surely it isn’t necessary to bring your son up to this beg- ging life?” “He ain’t my son, lady, he’s my apprentice! The Latest Form of Grafting The Life Insurance Companies have been driven almost insane by this suicide wave that has been sweeping the country. It seems that unscrupulous persons take out about $100,000 worth of in- surance in their own favor, shoot themselves, and try to collect. “It’s a despicable practise,” said Mr. Katz, president of the Katz Life Insurance Ko., ‘and unless it is stopped we will soon be bankrupt.” A special meeting of the Board of Directors of the Katz Ko. was called to find ways and means of putting an end to that “despicable practise,” as Mr. Katz had so aptly put it. Director Snitzel was of the opinion that to prevent suicide it was necessary to remove the means. He went on to suggest that in view of the number of gas victims all gas pipes should be filled with water, thus making it impossible for people to gas themselves. It was pointed out to him that the prospective sui- cide would then be tempted to drown himself with the water. Snitzel was so discouraged at the failure of his plan that he refused to speak for the rest of the eve- ning. Another plan was brought for- ward by Director Klare concern- ing pistol suicides. Mr. Klare thought it would be a good idea to equip all revolvers with burglar alarms so that when anyone pulled the trigger a bell would jie —Passinc Snow ring in the nearest police station and Sergeant Patterson would come around in time to prevent him from committing suicide. Mr. Katz said suppose Sergeant Patterson wasn’t in. Mr. Klare said then pull the trigger twice and Patrolman O’Toole would come instead. Mr. Klare’s sug- gestion was laid on the table, and Mr. Klare on a stretcher. Further discussion brought out a method of preventing bridge suicides. It was shown that all plans for killing oneself by jump- ing off a bridge could be thwarted by passing a law requiring the would-be suicide to tie to his left leg a good strong rope, the other end of which should be securely fastened to the bridge railing. If the railing went down, too, the victim could sue somebody for murder. It is not known who made this suggestion, but he may be identified at the morgue. Mr. K. was of the opinion that if one had to commit suicide he should be compelled to blow himself up with dynamite. “He would be blown so far that he could not return to col- lect,” announced Mr. Katz. The final decision of the board was that Mr. Katz should write a letter to Senator Copeland asking him to introduce a law that any- one who threatened to commit suicide should be shot. “That would practically settle the problem,” they said. —Lawson Paynter 08 Metal ArtsCo..Inc., 7718 South Ave.,Rochester,N.Y. comicbooks.com