Judge — May 7, 1927 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TABLOID NUMBER ASHES OF LOVE OUR DAILY ORIGINAL TRUE STORY By S. J. Perelman Denise and I were happy in our little love nest. We had been married four years and Denise’s loving hands had made a home for us. A little roly-poly urchin named Dick had come to bless our union. Denise's wifely care and ten- der love lavished itself in every possible w: At the office I had been promoted from shipping clerk to as: ant shipping clerk and every one wi ing: “Keep your eye on Kerry Rodbloom; he's a good man.” st- Mother Arrives One day Denise came to me and told me that her mother, a Mrs. Leffingwell of Woon- socket, was coming to live with us. “But, Denise,” I ob- jected, “you know there’s no room in the garage!” “Never mind,” said my little wife de- terminedly, “we'll sell our St. Bernard and redecorate the kennel.” Expostulation was in vain and Mrs. Leffingwell ar rived the next day in fine fettle. We installed her in the kennel, which she found rather small at first; she had to sleep | with her feet sticking out of | the door, but it was still warm outside and she was easily satisfied. One day about a week after she had arrived I felt unwell | after breakfast and I went to my doctor. He gave me a stomach test and found tr of arsenic and bichloride « mercury in my stomach. Upon questioning, mother-in-law ad- mitted that she had been slipping small doses into m coffee. I rebuked her soundly and thought no more about the matter. Three days later I awoke from a_ he: sleep to find Mrs. Leffingwell stropping a| mother, whatever are you do-|not reply to my small talk. phone call from Denise as! me to come home right av she sprinkled a drop of oil on } my arrival Denise told pocket hone and ground the razor to a sharp edge. little Dick. house thoroughly found Dick in the gar cinerator, looking very He had a high fever, and when we questioned him, he told us that his granny We searched the and finally seemed petti was sullen feel about it,” I morning at night I had to scold her again putting ground gla: am and she be- had shoved incinerator told him to look there for her came so bitter and m soned Mrs. Denise and our roly-poly rascal, razor alongside my bed. “Why, Dick Rodbloom much and I criticised mother sharply. To my surprise Deni: ou defended her vigor- Why can't mother have a little fun if she wants to?” she asked. She never goes to the movies or shopping. You men all alike, you beasts, you.” Well, if that's the way you rid) with rit, “I'm through. I guess I an get a room!” And I flang out of the house, mouthing. Leaves City I gave notice at the office, packed my few things, and went to Cleveland. Ther I began a new life. A bank was badly in need of a president early experience in the shipping room won me the I threw myself into my work and before long I had been promoted to assistant Then one day I paying telle my past life confronted m received a letter from my w telling me that mother-in-law had disposed of Dick in some unknown manner and then turned the gas on in Denise’: room. Thi aid my wife, had led to a fierce quar at the end of which Denise had poi- Leffingwell and cr sold her for p iron. She concluded by asking me to for- give and return to her. My heart trembled with joy and I took the next train out of Cleveland back to Denise. To-day we live in our little home with the creepers craw!- ing up the door. I have finished my course in draftsmanshipand am working for a certificate in a school of cartooning. We often think of little Dick and wonder where he can _ be Perhaps we have misjudged mother; maybe the gypsie got him. But who Life is like that. POW AND ZOW - SR comicbooks.com