Judge — May 7, 1927 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A’RICH MANS DARLING? NEVER! REPULSED IRMA We put this one through an acid bath and then polished it vigorously with steel wool, so get set for the cackle. “Did you find thim Pareesians well- educated, Moike?” “Faix, an’ Oi did thot!” replied Pat. “Why, over there even the hod-carriers talk French!” “WHat Do You THINK OF y AgCHA GuiTRY? “BERNIE LIFKOW/TZ IS A BETTER BOTLECCER. ANy DAY?” “Now don't forget th’ speed laws, ~ Chimmie!” Ss In which the artist endeavors to please the two principal classes of readers—‘Sentimental” and “Sophisticated.” You, Too, Can Be Popular T= young man of the adver- tisements, who had devoted fifteen minutes a day to acquiring knowledge in the privacy of his home, handed his hat and coat to the butler and entered the guest- filled room. “What do you think of the Goofer - Hill case?” his hostess was inquiring of a distinguished- looking old gentleman who bore himself like an Army Officer. “Murder,” the young man spoke up without a moment’s hesi- tation, “is as old as c ation itself; older, indeed, if we are to ieve the writings of Wu Tin ‘an, the famous Chinese philoso- pher of the Dum Dum dynasty. In India, as early as 378 B. C. we have a record of an organized murder cult known as the Thug- gee, from which our own word, ‘thug,’ meaning a business man who hasn’t tipped the police, is derived.” The guests looked at one an- other in astonishment, amazed at his easy flow of words and his confident manner. Who was this young man, anyhow, who could pick up the thread of a conversa- tion without any apparent effort? Somewhat jealous of the atten- tion riveted upon her guest, the hostess sought to change the con versation. “T tell you what,” she ob- served, “let's all have a drink.” The young man smiled. “My dear young lady,” he said. f in the 3 d previously amazed all present, “alcohol is a colorless liquid with a stinging taste. It burns without soot, giving little light, but great heat. Or, as Hymie Epstein, the gentle old poet of the Gondolas, expressed it in his iambie gothic, ‘Use H,O in- stead of rye and pass away with “Speaking of Scotch,” broke in a beautiful young girl, “did you ever hear the one about the Scotchman who got a hotel room where he could see the town clock, so he stopped his watch?” The young man nodded. “Tt is not generally known,” he said, with quiet confidence, “that Scot- land comprises both the Outer and Inner Hebrides. Not only that, but in 1905 —the fiscal year, that is—44t 5 acres of s-d’euvre were planted, and mind you, notwithstanding act that the first act of Alex- ander was to build a spider web for Robert Bruce, the great poet who wrote ‘A man’s a man for a’ comicbooks.com