Judge — April 23, 1927 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-— on train leaves until the afte for Indianapol The patriarch shifted his cud from left to right, spat reflec- tively and replied: “Ye walk up three blocks to th’ corner 0’ Main and Market. Turn right on Market and continue four blocks until ye reach Pleas- ant Street. Walk down Ple Street about twenty feet and come to th’ intersection 0’ Pleas- ant Street and Walnut Place. Proceed down Walnut PI. un- til ye git to th’ Presbyterian Churech—” “The Presbyterian Church!” exclaimed the s ger. “I don’t want to go to church—I want a drink.” “Don’t git excited, young feller,” said the native, calmly continuing. “When ye git to th’ church take a good look at it. Fix its location firmly in your mind and remember this—the Presby- terian Church is th’ only place in town where ye can’t git a drink.” —Arrtuvr L, Lippmann The Lesser Evil If there should be such a thing as war with China, the linotype operators would be among the first to enlist. Sy Ea ae A ey yrNF Pest—Leave it to me; I know the head waiter here. JUDGE “Did you want to see me, Father?” “No! But Henry Auchinsloss, here, bet me that a man couldn't see anything worse than purple crocodiles and green rlephants.” Why I Don’t Like Spring Because, if I go out into the country where the birds are and the bees, to delight in the budding grandeur of the vernal season, I am sure to meet any number of college boys in rattling Fords playing saxophones to prattling girls. (The boys, not the Fords.) Because, if I stay in the city the sun shines so beautifully, I wish I were in the country and go there only to find—see above. Because, all my neighbors, eager to let the Spring into their homes, open their windows and let the sounds of their radios out. Because, everyone who thinks “home” is a good rhyme for “alone” writes poetry—and gets it published. Because, as soon as Spring com- mences people start asking me who’s going to win the pennant for 1927 and the only pennants I know about are the ones on auto- mobiles saying “We Had a Good Time at Old Point Comfort.” Because, when I tell my friends I “just can’t do any work i Spring” they all good.” Because, Spring is the mating season and I have a mate left over from last say, year, —Carroti Carroir comicbooks.com