Judge — April 16, 1927 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE for? I'll tell you what I wanted you to stop for. I just remem- bered I left the chicken on the fire.... It'll be burnt to a crisp if we don’t go right back and save “What does a chicken amount to compared to liberty, you say? Well, let me tell you it amounts to a lot. I suppose if the colonies get free they'll make good that chicken for you? Yes, they will. “Oooooh! Look out! There's a wagon ahead. . . . Where? There... . Well, suppose it was only a cow's shadow? Wasn't it better to stop and find out it was only a cow’s shadow than to hit it and find out it was a wagon? ... “Stop! ... What? ... I've lost my handkerchief. 7 At this point Paul goes mad, and thinking he is a rabbit dives down a rabbit-hole and is never heard of again. The British are unchecked, the Revolution never takes place, we remain an English colony and so there’s no Prohibi- tion today. —Bertram Brock ay “Marie doesn’t go out as often as she used to.” “Ah, settled and become a nice, quiet little stay-at-home, eh?” “No, I mean she carries her liquor better.” Now, really, we've never heard of anything so perfectly absurd in our liv We've discovered, on Union Square, a serve yourself dress shop. Can you imagine such a thing? It’s a regular caf except one doesn’t have to grab a tray, knives and forks, ete., upon entering. You fit your own frocks, wrap them up and pay the cashier on the way out. And the dresses are the most reasonable things you ever heard of. Really it’s the most glorious relief not to have the maddeningly accusing eyes of the when you you les woman on you “[’m sorry—thank ry much.” But now actu- ally the idea is too killing— really. We were taken—yes, positively dragged to the most extraordi- nary restaurant the other day. Do you know they actually charge you for what you DON’T eat. And as you very well know, my dears, this is no place for one who is using every ounce of will power to keep on a dict. We must confess that w never been so miserably uncomfortable in our lives as we were after consuming “And here is one of the new censored surface cars.” one of those simply Gargantuan meals. Word of honor, we felt exactly like a balloon just before its ascension. And just between several thousand friends, we gained two pounds. Can you conceive of such an unbearable tragedy? We are simply in sack cloth and ashes. Of all the utterly inexcusable things in the world, plagiarism is the worst. And one of the most perfect pieces of plagiarism we've ever run across is “Blondes Pre- fer Gentlemen.” Now, honestly, we aren't the least bit “Auntyish,” but we mean how can anybody have nerve enough to do a thing like that? It’s actually too nau- seous, My dears, you'll never know what actually goes on in the ish houses until you've r Lewis’ new novel, “Elmer Gantry And after all, I mean, everybudy should know about these things. Really it’s. the most divinely fascinating book imaginable, Six Best Steppers “That Little Something” (Lucky) “Dancing the Devil Away’ (Lucky) “Night” (no show) “Texas Stomp” (Polly of Holly- wood) “Following the Sun Around” (Rio Rit “Lovin’ Off My Mind” (Bye, Bye, Bonnie) J | comicbooks.com