Judge — April 2, 1927 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| JUDGE An American Tragedy With steady, rhythmic strokes the seventeen-year-old boy breasted the mountain-high waves. Out of a thousand starters in the great swim from America to France he was the only one left. But at last, after many weary weeks, the shore line of his desti- nation lay just ahead. The swimmer's friends and bac bung in the rowboat watched him anx iously for any sign of fatigue. But there was none. On and on he went, his powerful strokes carrying him nearer and yet nearer to his goal. Cheering throngs line the shore to welcome him. Now he is but a hundred yards away; then fifty, then twenty-five. Sudden he threw his hand to his head in a gesture of utter de- spair. Then, without a word, he turned and started back to New York, thus losing forever the fame and honor and incalculable riches which but a moment before Jay within his grasp. He had just remembered he was an orphan and had no one to do it for. DADDY DEY TRUN ME OUT GF YALES CONFESSEDSAM Salesmen earn Big Money, according to latest reports, so pipe this fast one. An awning salesman approached a matron and asked her to buy some awnings. “We don’t need any; we don’t get any sunshine at all here!” replied good Mrs. Gurry. “You don’t need to use them,” answered the salesman, “they can stay rolled up!” We bet HE didn’t earn Big Money. HOW TO MAKE LOVE By S. J. Perelman Third Lesson Ho docs not remember his student years when he walked across the verdant campus shaded by immemorial elms, hand in hand with “the only girl in the world” ? Who does not remember the troth plighted, the vows of fidelity and constancy, — in some flowermg leafy woodland bower on Class Night, as he sat, his arm around her slender waist, his ardent lips caressing her pink eye? Ah, memory, thou naughty elf! Of all the various kinds LOVE, the truest and most tender is STUDENT LOVE. In the two paintings reproduced above (specially painted for Jupce by Max Beerbohm) we see of two touching scenes of STU- DENT LOVE. In Figure 1 (posed by Anna Karenina and the elder Booth) one sees the flower- bedecked campus of Holy Cross, with Al’s Jigger Shop in the background. The enamored cou- ple have stole away for a moment from the crooning violins of the “Prom.” How Anna has waited for this night, when her own Rafael will tell her of his hopes, his fears, his ambitions! He has just told her that he passed the geography test and that he has been selected to stay after school and clap the erasers. How proud Anna is of her boy, even if he does look slightly like a walrus! In a moment Rafael will pin a daisy in Anna's hair and then they will steal back to the “Prom,” flushed and radiant. For has not Rafael sworn that Anna is his own true “light o’ love’? and that he will take her to wife as soon as the snow flies? In Figure 2 (posed for Jupae by Joyce Hawley and Michael Strogoff), two more LOVERS are shown sitting on the steps of Perkins Hall in the Harvard “Yard.” Michael is next year’s football captain, which explains the pointed beard and the dull look around the Michael just down ce shudde ‘ross his 1 eyes. has told Joyce how they at swea Princeton and as the oaths float a “Promise me, Michael,” she begs, ‘promise me that you'll never gouge or pinch and that you'll be CLEAN!” “I will, Joyce,” says Michael, as he throws his head back and whistles a few notes like a partridge, “Re- member, it’s for you—and for Harvard, Mother of Men!” Let us leave them here as the golden harvest moon rises up over the Charles River and love’s sweet melody plays on. You CAN’T miss BREATH - TAKING instalment of this WHIRLWIND. series: “Frank Castlemon at Vicksburg, or, The Johnny Rebs at Bay.” A big shiny new Boy Scout Knife with each copy! Ask your store- keeper!! the neat comicbooks.com