Judge — April 2, 1927 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE For Very Little Folk (Proving that the Millennium is yet to come) “Good evening, children. It is now exactly 1 M. Eastern Standard Time. This is old Uncle Sordid speaking, and I am going to give you your own half hour with the funny pictures in the Daily Gripe-ic. And aren't you just the lucky little boys and girls, because these are the day after tomorrow's comics and they’ve only been off the presses seven hours. So mix yourselves a good stiff one, light a Camel and settle down for a lovely half hour. Be sure and turn up the rheosta so that all the neighbors can hear —remember neither God or even Mr. O’Maddon who runs_ the Gripe-ic, and whose generosity makes it possible for you to hear this treat, likes a selfish child. “Well, well, well, look who we have here! Ake and Abie, your old friends Ake and Abie! Now here in the first picture Ake is standing on one side and what do you think he’s saying? He is say- ing ‘BOLOGNY! And_ poor Abie doesn’t know what to make of it. He just looks at him, and a great big question mark comes out cireD Person—Oh! Are you a phy No, but I know where you can get some.” of his head. But in the next pic- ture Abie comes right back at him. He says ‘HOW DO YA GET THAT WAY?’ Well, this time it’s Ake that’s out of luck, and a big excl. tion point—you know, kiddies, the long line with the dot under it—comes out of Ake’s head. And then what do you sup- pose Ake does? Ake says, ‘SO’S YOUR OLD MAN!’ just like that, and poor old Abie falls on his head PAM! And now in the last picture they have both hit each other with a great big brick. One brick says SOCK! and the other one says ZOWIE! All this teaches us that we should be sure to wear our overshoes in slushy weather. “And now kiddies, I’m going to interrupt the funnies in order to give you some of the latest news dispatches from the Gripe-ic. You remember Dimples, the Fol- lies queen, who slew a wealthy broker’s son? Well, listen to this. ORGY IN DIMPLES’ FLAT- BUSH LOVE-N ! PRETTY STENOGRAPHER WITH THROAT SLIT! Chil- dren, isn’t that terrible? You'll find the full story in the paper. My! My! Listen to this. RUM- CRAZED LAWYER RUNS AMUCK! FLINGS WI AND FIVE CHILDREN OUT TWENTIETH STORY WIN- DOW! You won't let your father do that to you, will you kiddies? Just remember. Never let him get within thirty feet of you and everything will be all right.” —Parke Cummines comicbooks.com