Judge, 1927-04-02 · page 12 of 36
Judge — April 2, 1927 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Forging Ahead in Business" — S.J. Perelman This is a satirical article by humorist S.J. Perelman mocking American success-narrative propaganda. The piece presents absurd, rambling "inspirational" anecdotes meant to mock the genre entirely. Perelman's narrator describes stealing marbles from a schoolboy to supposedly motivate him—an obviously terrible approach presented as wisdom. The second story involves a Spanish-American War soldier eating sawdust, contrived impossibly to end with a dog-and-woodchuck tale winning a prize. The humor lies in the deliberately non-sequiturs, logical gaps, and the cartoon's caption showing a husband advising against dodging bridges—visual proof the advice is nonsensical. The satire targets Gilded Age "bootstrap" business ideology and motivational speaking that passed off cruelty or absurdity as character-building. Perelman exposes how such narratives collapse under scrutiny, working through exaggeration and bewildering plot leaps to show their fundamental dishonesty.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE =a FORGING AHEAD IN BUSINESS By S. J. PERELMAN (c/4 Led with VISION) I wit tell you a STORY. It is a SHORT story. But it has a POINT. And if you are AG- G SIVE and DI IS- D with your $20 a week job as a SHIPPING CLERK, you will LEARN something. The other day I was passing by a PRIMARY SCHOOL at recess time. On the sidewalk was a TOT playing twenty-one or fan- tan or something with his MAR- BLES. I stooped down and TOOK AWAY his marbles from him. He stood up, TEARS streaming from his childish eyes and he said, “Mister, don’t TAKE AWAY them there mar- bles of mine!” ICONFRONTED him, I said, “If you were a MAN,” I said, “you wouldn't RE. You would go out and [f AGATES!”) The LITTLE LOW squared his shoulders and THRUST OUT his jaw. “I will!” he said through clenched teeth. m going out and get AGATES!” “Go ahead,” I said, eyes and CHICKEN-POX while you're out there!” And I turned on my HEEL. Gentlemen, today that little TOT is GROV CLEVE- LAND. And why NOT? Any- body who is sick of MARBLES can easily go out and get AGATE If DIS- NTLED, "U AMBITIO you are STRIPE, you 1 B NOW. How can you FORGE AHEAD? Let me answer that by AN- OTHER story. During the Spanish WAR, a company of ZOUAVES was trapped in a gully named Ginsberg by a troop of Spaniards. Fearing that re- inforcements would arrive too late, Peckinpaugh, who com- manded the Zouaves, slipped a note in a bottle and threw it OVERBOARD. The _ intrepid band was captured shortly after by the fierce Mexiean GUERIL- LAS and had to eat SAWDUST. Realizing that SCURVY would result if his men had to GO ON eating sawdust, Peckinpaugh swam to Morro Castle and re- turned with a live CHICK his teeth. This ACT of E ISM saved the DAY and later resulted in Peckinpaugh being awarded the FIRST PRIZE of twenty-five dollars. His y was entitled “How My Dog Shep Trapped the Old Woodchuck.” Fellows, if Peckinpaugh and Grover Cleveland could do what they did, you CERTAINLY could. So REMEMBER: FRI- DAY night in the VESTRY and every little MAN JACK of you bring his UNIFORM and HATCHET. RAY HIGGIN- BOTHAM will lead the older boys and Francis Snodgrass the younger ones. And after the HIKE, oh, bo All the HOT DOGS you can eat and PLENTY of cider! Don’t forget — eight o'clock, Friday night, rain or moonshine EE ADMIS- SION. LE Hvuspanp (patiently)—No, dear; when you see a bridge coming down the road you don’t turn out for it. 10 comicbooks.com