Judge — March 19, 1927 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE Even in Nicaragua 1. Have George M. Cohan write a stirring song about banana oil and senoritas. This would imme- diately make the war popular at home. 2. Start the war at nine o'clock each morning except Saturdays and Sundays, and end it at four- thirty P. M. If it is necessary to fight on Saturday or Sunday, give the Soldiers double pay. This will make the war popular with the working classes and the unions. 8. Let Graham MacNamee do the broadcasting from the field, shot by shot. This will bring the war close to home. Our last war was too far away to be appre- ciated. 4. In case the fight becomes too one-sided, disarm the Marines and reduce their vocabulary. This will please our pacifists and exponents of fair play. 5. Stop the war every time any- one blows a whistle. This will enable the Generals to use the huddle system. 6. Have some authority like General Pershing explain the How to Make a War Popular Burorar’s Wire Spike, if you don’t pull off a job soon I'll have to take in washings, and what a disgrace that would be! Sentimentatist—Never mind sparing that tree, Woodman. I guess the sooner you put it out of its misery the better. movements of the belligerents. This will give the wa sional touch, like Bridg 7. Make the war artistic by having Gilda Gray interpret the mov ents in the field. This will e those with a sense of the beautiful. 8. Commission Will Rogers to broadcast the daily events in Chi- cago. This will please those One Hundred Percent Americans who prefer domes: ars to foreign. 9. Allow the combatants to de- vote the long evenings to frater- nizing and leathernecking. This will give them a chance to learn what it is all about. a profes- Sold! If it’s starving you crave, Try to sell triolets. There’s no earlier grave If it’ Simply out to pave Hell with eight-line briquets— If it’s starving you crave, Try to sell triolets. —Joun CuLtnan comicbooks.com