Judge — February 12, 1927 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

For Aches ad Pains’ Rub in Absorbine,Jr: Cuancnc weather often brings muscular or rheumatic pains. Absorbine, Jr. gives prompt relief. In most cases, a few treatments completely drive away the pain. Absorbine, Jr. is prepared from vegetable extracts, essential oils and distillates from the finest herbs. While it is a powerful lini- ment, it is pleasant and harmless to use, and does not discolor the skin. Keep it handy—use it freely! Read “Timely Sug- gestions”, packed with each bottle. Send for free trial bottle W. F. YOUNG, Inc. Springfield, Mass. Absorbine SEPTIC LINIMENT J Discovered at Last The First Presentation of Abie’s Trish Rose Excavators working three hun- dred miles beneath the present city of Naples, recently un- earthed three stone tablets and the news has just been flashed by the Associated Press that the date of the first public presentation of “Abic’s Irish Rose’ has at last been discovered. Thus ends one of the most engrossing and stub- born problems of our present day. Professor Gilch (the inventor of the Gilch theory of osmosis, which must not be confused with the Grand Central Station or the Diesel engine) states that after repeated e€ ninations of the first tablet he is able to make out the Hebrew word ‘“Mazurkala” in good bold-face Cheltenham type. The second tablet is labelled * ala,” and a third, quite significantly, is marked ‘“‘Rosala.” How simple once you get the code. There it is, or I should say, there it was, as plain as day ‘Abie’s Irish Rose.” 2c] “The first performance,” says Professor Gilch, “was given on the evening of April 21st, B.C. 578, on the site of what is now the shoe shining and hat cleaning parlor of a gentleman named Tony or Joe. Of course, in those days they wore no shoes and shining was unnecessary, unless, of course, you wanted to bring out the natural lustre of the toe-nail. Nero sat in the right stage box and next to him, of course, was Admiral Plunkett and Mayor Walker. It was indeed a gala night as nights go—and they go pretty fast nowada what with the radio and bridge to kid around with. “The original Abie was played by a man named Tewksberry or Horace who used to do a trained seal act with Jonah’s whale before he got into big time. Rose, in the original cast, came of a family of German acrobats and jumped—as only an acrobat can jump—at the chance to play the le. “I could tell you lots more, but the first tablet bringing it up from the Penn: vania Station to the museum, 4 ever since I had that nasty fall a couple of winters ago I don’t want ely too much on my memory.” ifie America is agog over scovery. Doctor Hugo Ego, No. 3286 Grand Concour: cupation housewife, states, ‘““Ma- zurkala, Jackala, Rosala, proper- ly translated means ‘Road under Construction. Detour.’ Profes- sor Gilch is full of bologny.” Doctor Von Schmertz of the Uni- versity of Brooklyn, insists that the three words were written on the tablet with a Waterman foun- tain pen after they were exhumed. In contradiction of this theory, Vice President Dawes asserts tha in the original Hebrew “Mazur- kala” was a term of endearment somewhat similar to a traffic po- liceman’s use of the words, ‘You Big Bum.” And there we leave the scien- tists wrangling. The evidence is in your hands, people of America. Are the famous “Mazurkala- Jackala-Rosala” tablets evidence 2 first public presentation of s Irish Rose”? Or aren't Take a guess yourself. —Arthur L. Lippmann Frienp (looking around)—Splendid scenery, eh? Ke it’s a “Wizzer Eight.” Mororist (with eyes on car ahead)—Rather, I think —Passing Show 22 comicbooks.com