Judge — January 8, 1927 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE The Poet to His Auto 2,000 Feet Above Sea Level Oo» bus, when first this hill you made In high my heart beat loudly; ‘You darted up the nasty grade, Your nickel gleaming proudly. And finally when the slope was ended, Exultingly I shouted, “Splendid!” The second time we drove up here You found the climb was not so easy. I shift As on you panted, hoarse and wheezy. The facts are plain, beyond denying: You found the hill was somewhat trying. into second gear But now, you traitor, here you stall With help 2,000 feet below you. You will not creep, you will not crawl, But beg for some kind soul to tow And yet I really should not scold I guess I'll kill the guy who sold you! Cyrano Try this on your traffic cop. $355,000,000 worth of time would be saved each month to the nation if every block of every street contained a turntable to assist women drivers in turning around. Dirge of Dislike I AM a prospect for a new car. I loathe the solicitous interest that automobile salesmen take in my personal welfare. I detest that demonstration ride during which the beaming salesman turns to me with a wholly unneces- sary satisfaction and asks me if I like the way she did that hill in high. My eyes fairly pop out of my head when I read the claims made by competing manufacturers. Wadda I care if the Goofus Four climbed Mount Everest in thirty seconds! But my pet hate is the follow- up telephone call: “Hello, this is Blinks over at the Pulsing Paragon Agency. Gotta car here all ready to send over to you.” Two minutes later. ‘This is Hen- shaw, representing the Frolicsome Four. Have you decided to give your family the joy of riding in our car?” One minute later. “G-o-o0-d m-o-r-n-i-n-g. Just want to tell you that we’ve got the new Queen Marie model Jumping Jupiter over here at the salesrooms.” I was a prospect for a new car. I'm going to buy a bicycle instead! Hugh Wood Be comicbooks.com