Judge, 1926-12-11 · page 12 of 36
Judge — December 11, 1926 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "The Steadfast Tin Soldier" - Judge Magazine Satire This is a humorous story parody of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale, adapted for a American audience dealing with Prohibition-era anxieties. The narrative follows a tin soldier thrown from a window by an ungrateful boy named Reuben, who survives increasingly absurd adventures (scavengers, a stream, being swallowed by a fish) before mysteriously reappearing. The satire targets several things: an ungrateful child disrespecting his grandmother, the boy's crude language ("What do you think I'm gonna do with four dozen tin soldiers, start a army?"), and consumerism through excessive Christmas gifts. The grandmother's drinking habit ("a quart of Bacardi") is presented as comedic, reflecting contemporary attitudes toward alcohol despite (or because of) Prohibition. The bottom cartoon shows a man with laundry tagged with names—a system for Christmas shopping organization. The satire mocks both consumer excess and attempts to systematize domestic life. The humor relies on absurdist situations and period-specific references modern readers would miss without context about gift-giving culture and Prohibition-era sensibilities.
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JUDGE The Steadfast Tin Soldier His is the kind of a story that makes you feel glad you're a teetotaler because if anything sounds like a hot session with the D.T.’s, this is it. Anyhow, it starts off about a small kid named Reuben which was opening up his Christmas presents and was getting mad enough to tear a herring in halves with a turn of his wrist. The first three packages he opened all contained tin soldiers; so when he got to the fourth bundle and found a dozen tin soldiers, he let out a curse that made his grand- mother almost bite off the neck of the Bacardi bottle in surprise. “Why, Reuben, what can be the matter?” says the good old dame. “Are you the wise-cracker that gave me these soldiers?” says Reuben, trying to look her in the eye. He couldn’t very well, because she had a quart of B, couldn’t hav rdi in her and she held her eyes open if she used her fingers. “Why, yell mother, answers the grand- wh “Well, you're a cheap piker,” flies out Reuben, burning up fast. “What do you think I’m gonna do with four dozen tin soldiers, start a army? § cabbage, if all I could think of to give a grandson was tin soldiers, I'd paste a couple flat leaves on my shoulder blades and call myself a rubber plant!” And he quick grabs up one of the soldiers and heaves him out the window. This introduces the hero of our tale, another good title for which might be “So you're back, refuse?” says Reuben. “When Love Flies Out the Window.” Well, everything would have been all right if this soldier was built like a rubber ball, but some mechanic must have forgot to put springs in him, so when he hit the ground he sort of stayed there, full of broken ribs and anger against Reuben. But no sooner had he got back his breath when along came a couple of young scavengers and thought they would have a gay time with him. So they made a boat out of news- paper and shoved him in it and gave him a push out in a stream. Then they went on scavenging. The water was starting to leak into the boat and the soldier was wishing he had another pair of shoes to change to when all of a sudden the bottom of the boat fell through and the soldier went down head first. Just as he was going down he met a large ugly looking haddock. “Pardon me,” he “But what sort of a dive is this? “Til tell you,” says the haddock, “It’s a nose dive!” And before the soldier could argue the fish had swallowed him, It took him a couple of minutes to figure out his bearings on account of it was dark in the fish’s interior, but as soon as he lit a match and realized where he was, he saw they was no use crying so he sat down and started to catch up on his back read- ing. It was lucky he had brought along a tabloid which he had picked up on the subway. He got through with the paper and was just starting in to write a couple of letters when he heard a funny noise and he saw that somebody had caught his apart- ment, so to speak, and he was once more on dry land. After a little while somebody opened up the fish and the soldier stepped out feeling kind of rheumatic from the damp. But he didn’t get very far because just then the cook, which had opened up the fish, grabbed him and took him into another room where a small boy was playing double Canfield. His back was toward the soldier and when he turned around the latter almost passed out of the book be- cause it was none other than our old friend Reuben. (Continued on page 24) He had this outfit made to do his Christmas shopping and the system saved him from forgetting anyone. ~ comicbooks.com