Judge, 1926-11-13 · page 10 of 36
Judge — November 13, 1926 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Analysis: Judge Magazine Page **Top Section - "The All-American Team":** A roster of football players with ethnic-sounding names (Hoffmeister, Euswart, Szyschen, Poulapoils, etc.). This appears to satirize early 20th-century American football's composition, likely mocking the prevalence of immigrant or ethnic players dominating the sport. **"The New Webster":** A humorous dictionary definition of football by R.C. O'Brien that mock-seriously describes the sport's brutality and chaos—equipment needs, the acceptability of violence ("stepping on opponent's chest"), and associated injuries (pneumonia from attending games in cold weather). It's satirizing football's actual violence while maintaining a deadpan tone. **"The Tabloid Readers' Baby":** A satirical story about an infant whose first articulate words are crime headlines ("Fiend slays chorus girl," "Gunman kills two"). Parents find this delightful rather than horrifying. The satire targets tabloid newspapers' sensationalist crime coverage and, implicitly, parents who expose children to such lurid content. The byline attributes this to Arthur L. Lippmann.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE HOFFMEISTER eurwart Pr S2YSCHEN! PouLAcoLis LSuDsKI OPSINK The All-American Team. The New Webster Froemmaus. noun. Football is a sport requiring at least’ twenty- two gluttons for punishment, a a whistle, a football, a sta- dium, two water buckets, a lot of sweaters, 1 high jumpers to lead the cheering sections. a couple rel sev of bone setters. a couple of coaches (the kind without wheels), somebody with a watch to keep track of time out, two quarts of arnica and a col- lege. The purpose of college football is of course to furnish scenario writers with material for stories of college life. Ask (Coming soon. your favorite theater when.) Football is not rough a game as is popularly imagined, and, although a gridiron is still no place to pause to try to get a cinder out of your eye with the end of a handkerchief, the game has been modi rewhat So he al pun- A player who deliberately steps on an opponent's chest without in recent years. ishment. so much as saying excuse me, is doubly — pen by the referee and once by his fellow-players for not stepping on the opponent's neck while he had the chance. The football season is not ideal as ized: once regards weather, from the specta- tor's point of view. The beginning of the season generally coincides with the rainy season. ‘The football sea- son winds up with the holiday: proaching, and the football spectator generally winds up with pneumonia approaching. Many who go. to cheer at football games remain. to shiver. Of course, there is. some- thing comes for just: such emergen- tion it? Every- hody knows what it is. RC. O'Brien cies. but) why me FITZPATRICK SCHONHEIM KILKOWITZ New artistic goal post used in pro- Sessional football, Cheap skates are now a thing of the past. The Tabloid Readers’ Baby H*« Was just a delicious litt Lunde of pinkyskin,, blue ees and pudgy litle hands, He romped about in his tiny cradle. Above him rents, worship reflected stood his doting 1 nd beaming eves. “Darling.” said the fond mother to her husband, “Infant lisped for first time Monday. lips spoke.” “Hubby delighted at babe's per- formance.” replied the father. Just then the infant uttered some unintelligible baby language then clearly and distinctly cooed: “Fiend slays chorus girl. Dope addict murders Broadway blonde.” “Oh. how darli young mother, cute for words?” adoration in their prodigy Baby enthused the he Isn't just loo “Gunman kills two on rampage,” gurgled the baby lips. “Police drag- net captures candy kid bandits.” “Darling little mite.” whispered the delighted parents. “He says such interesting things for a baby just starting to speak.” The infant continued. “Goo goo. Heavy sugar daddy finds love nest invaded by wife. 2.2. F gets twenty prison. . Bootleggers’ queen shoots detective amma’s little pet.” said the mothe years in “Papa's Ii'l said the father. “Blood-stained innocent. Jambkin,” andkerchief found said the baby. Arthur L. Lippmann at murder scene, TRY IT Australian Crawl is handy for shopping. comicbooks.com