Judge — October 2, 1926 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“The Old Chokin’ Bucket.” r 4 e Judge pays $5 for each one printed County, N. Y., where the cheese comes from. Mr. Cow runs. the dairy and ‘Tessie—her name is Mrs. Bull now—runs down to New York once a week during the theatrical season and regularly contributes a column of dram Ulster County G shows you. I had a cow once that I conditioned criticism to the te. That just to climb trees because I had no barn and I wanted it to learn to build nests, but it fell out of an elm tree and broke its neck. So, you see, Behaviorism tes us the difference between men and cows. People have been wanting to know that for a long while, because embarrassing to mistake a cow for a man. Man is the only animal that can have a lot of words in him and then speak them. A cow cannot do that. A cow has no speak-__ | ing voice, A cow cannot write on a ches it is alw typewriter, A cow cannot use a fountain pen. But Behaviorism shows us what to do about it. If we wish a cow to write dramatic eriti- | — ~ cism, we must first or (a) fill the cow full of drama, and we must then, second or (b) do as was done with WA R N I N G aydon and teach her to spell They called him Artie be- If you are a timid soul, don’t let out her words with her feet in deaf- cause everybody hoped he stand dealer hold you up for | and-dumb alphabet. Then she can would choke. next week’s do as Tessie did and dictate to a stenographer. Judge pays $ | was ne printed. It is to be a number especially esigned for Jion-hearted men and will “You say you're looking for a | | cashier? Why, I thought: you en- “Old Bill Smith hasn't got a care | pe called gaged one only last week?” in the world.” | “L did; that’s the one I'm looking “What does he do?” THE for!” —Nt. John Globe “He's a caretaker.” —Tit Bits CHICAGO NUMBER Clark’s Famous Cruises By Cunarp-ANcuHor new oil burners at rates including hotels, guides, drives and fees. | 121 days $1250 to $2900 | ROUND THE WORLD | ss “California” sailing Jan. 19 Tth cruise, including Havana, Panama Canal, Los Angeles, Hilo, Honolulu, 19 ¢ Japan and China, Manila, a, Burr option 17 days India, Egypt, Pal-stine, Greece, Italy, Rivi Europ? stop-overs. 23rd Mediterranean Cruise Jan, 29; 62 days, $600 to $1700 FRANK C. CLARK, Times Bldg., N. Y. er—All right, Liz, don’t earry on so! We TNS(ST UPON any ! 5° ’ KEMP’S BALSA Look ‘ow it’s rainin’! COUGH! The Cause of the Disc should ‘ave got wet ir London Opinion comicbooks.com