Judge, 1926-09-04 · page 13 of 36
Judge — September 4, 1926 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Judge Magazine Page Analysis This page contains three separate satirical pieces: **"The Stuff That News Is Made Of"** mocks press reporters' indifference to serious scientific announcements. When Doctor Gazum presents discoveries of 678 new planets, journalists ignore him—playing cards, dozing off—until he mentions young women on those planets engaging in "wild drinking parties." Only then do they frantically scramble for phones and notebooks. The satire targets both journalists' sensationalism and their disinterest in actual scientific progress. **"Stock Exchange Terms"** jokes about stock market terminology. A father uses "The Preferred Is Going to Pa(r)"—a pun on stock preferences and "par"—while explaining reproduction to his young son, who cuts through the euphemism by demanding "The Facts." **"The Stranger"** (byline Hugh Wood) introduces a famous radio announcer ("Bud" Ward, voice of Station PXX) beloved nationwide, yet utterly invisible and ignored when walking city streets. The irony: millions know his name with envy, but face-to-face, he's dismissed as an "inconspicuous little man."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Stuff That News Is Made Of YY ites the last three days 678 new planets, each larger than 1 discovered,” mum, the great our world, have be announced Doctor € astronomer. One of the reporters at the press table produced a miniature deck of cards and dealt out a hand to his colleagu “Wet that there is animal life and veget tion on at least half of these planets,” last, definite evidence continued Doctor Gazum. Another reporter showed mild in- terest as he turned up a pair of eights. “Astronomy has been advanced 4,000 declared the speaker. years by these discoveries! that there cards in’ the Some one discovered were only forty-nine deck and the press table game was called off. The reporters leaned back in their chairs and began to nod. ... And in a few weeks we hope to have mapped the entire universe!” All the reporters were asleep, Doctor Gazum was desperate. “And how do we know!” he shouted, “that on many of these planets young girls are not going out on wild drinking parties ....” Pan‘c reigned at the press table as half the reporters rushed for tele- phones, the other half sprained their wrists taking notes, and photog- *°S matter, officer? T’ve got both hands on the wheel!” JUDGE STOCKSEKCHANGE TERM. THE PREFERRED I5' GOING TO PA(R) Horses are quaint people anyway as the following aneedote will easily reveal. Valspar, aged three, a story: your sister!” he concluded. toward the bookcase. Mr. Muffin (ha! ha! a funny name, indeed!) was telling his son, “And so, sonny, the stork: brought you and Valspar took one look at his old man and went “Listen, fella.” he told the elder, * you snapped out of it and got The Facts. and he handed his father a good Work: on the subject. t's about time I been worrying about you,” Mr. Muffin was considerably abashed. raphers battled each other for the first “shot” of the speaker. Chet Johnson The Stranger Js cuphonious name was known to millions of people. From all parts of the country came his Ww men are privileged Simper- admirers. F. to have achieved his fame. ing maidens, mature matrons, stern business men all united in paying him homage. In humble cottage and regal mansion he was rendered the lip service of the admiring. And yet, as he sauntered through the streets of the great city, past hurrying throngs, no one turned to look at him, no one gazed at the in- conspicuous little man in the brown suit. The very people who ruthless- ly brushed him aside as they darted past him would later on speak his hame with envy and awe. He was better known than Jack Dempsey, more envied than Douglas Fairbanks more popular than the handsomest screen Lothario— “Bud” Ward, wise-cracking announcer “The Voice of Hugh Wood He was silver- throated, for Station P} the Great City. comicbooks.com