Judge — August 28, 1926 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE DESIGNED FOR STAY-AT-HOMES Contrivance for giving a week's sunburn in an afternoon. The way a fellows back appears to grow, as soon as it gets sunburned. “Remember, Jezebel, we've plighted our troth.” } “Listen, Monte—I understood all the time we were engaged.” ‘ObrienQurtloud” [5 the old days, the only one who knew what the ladies wore under- neath was the laundress. ce) ay Scale And this of some stations. oO Tf you want to remember things, tie a string around your finger. If you want to forget things, tie a rope around your neck: (0) ‘The old-fashioned girl And her old-fashioned beau Couldn't marry these days On his old-fashioned dough. O The New Webster Gloom. 1. A gloom is a person who feels sorry for himself for living. He wears a crape for a neck- tie and goes around with an expres- sion on his face as if somebody is continually pulling a porous plaster off his He is so sour any of the milk of human kindness he may have had in him has long since curdled, and curdled milk is cheese. A gloom can join a happy party and turn it into a funeral. If the members of the party are wise they will see to it that it’s his own. A gloom generally has a voice that sounds like a basso on a phonograph record when the phonograph is run down and needs winding. A man’s home is_ his pal but a gloom’s home is his mausoleum. When a gloom enters a garden, the humming-birds stop humming, the swallows swallow harder, the blue jays get bluer, the sunflowers droop, the morning glories go into mourning, the weeping wil- lows weep, the grasshoppers stop hopping and the frogs commence to croak, Loe Oo Movie Limericks This villain they call Wallace Beery, Has a look in his eye that is leery, And when he looks tough, And starts to act rough, The heroines all look so feary! R. C. O'Brien 14 comicbooks.com