Judge — August 21, 1926 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HIGH HAT In spite of the letters that have come in objecting to my running so many drink recipes, I simply must print this letter of Mr. Con verse’s .. . . “Judge, Jr.: Ole Top, here’s some red-hot news for you! Cut a square hole out of a water- melon, pour into this aperture a quantity of Gordon water, then replace the aforementioned hunk of watermelon and let said melon stand in the ice box for a few hours.” there! Do you blame me? fe When you come right down to it, food isn’t a beverage so there’s no reason why I can’t publish this simple little dessert of Mr. Kirby Scrape from a cake of ice a saucer full of same, add two, or three or four, or five teaspoonsful of rye and serve like dessert what could be fairer ona hot night? pe Mr. Henstill, of Yale University, writes in to inquire why I am always knocking Yale when he understands that I am a Yale man and wants me to make a note in my column as to whether or not I am a Yale man and Yes, yes, Mr. Henstill, I am not a Yale man! fp Mr. Galbraith, Jr., of no less place than Toronto, suggests that I become popular overnight by saying, when anyone asks me where I’m going or what I’m going to do, “Whadda you care, you a policeman?” In as much as I haven't perfected my- self yet in the art of ventriloquism, I think I'd be afraid to take a chance on that wise crack! Oe aed Speaking of Toronto, I received a very nice little volume entitled “Cocktails” from Mr. Sley of Mont- however, as I am still very sensitive from the nawsty cracks sent in by some of my public, I'll refrain from divulging the contents until some other time. > Have you seen these new syphon bottles that you can work yourself? they're very handy on these long hot days, especially if you've got some ice and a long glass and .... gosh, I almost forgot! —~ You know this not being able to talk about drinking certainly cramps my style! I've just looked through thirty or forty letters and every darned one of them contains some kind of recipe... . . for ex- ample I see such names as “Ange Breath,” ‘Yacht Club Special,” “Velvet Vine” and “Southern Pride” +++. Well, it’s hard but I’ll keep my word and not mention it this week! a The Six Best “Steppers”: “A Sunny Disposhish” (Ameri- cana). “Why D’ya Roll Those Eyes” (Americana). “Don’t You Cheat” (Blonde Sin- ner). “Black Bottom” (Scandals). “Ting-a-ling” (Cocoanuts). “On the Riviera” (No Show). Gry Love of Country LOVE the country when the spring drifts down, The scarlet tulips running through the grass; A pageant for the ones exiled in town, Who scarcely dreamed such things would come to pass. The splendor of the rural autumn thrills, A silver silence holding all the land; With asters blowing on the smoky hills, While valleys with the purple haze are spanned, And then the winter with its crowd- ing snows, Which to the virile prove no lasting bars; Far on the roads despite the wind that blows, The sleigh careens beneath the frosty stars. But ‘tis in summer it intrigues the most, Give me the country, words I pen, Although I never go there, this my boast, Tlove it, for my wife goes to it then. Thomas J. Murray truthful BREAKING DOWN THE SALES RESISTANCE Jock MacCandlish had been out fishing and returned home slightly fried. His wife asked him, “Wha’ maun yon breeks frae nicht ower yer- sel’?” Jock pondered on this tough one for a few moments and then said: “Nicht licht bree braw an’ a wee drap parritch, gude wife! Frae a birkie gree an’ tw’ hamely.” His “other half” never asked him that embarrassing question again. comicbooks.com