Judge — August 14, 1926 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

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Glass Ginger Ale with tablespoonful Abbott's Bitters delightful tonic and pala- table. ample bitters by mail 25 cts. in stamps. . Abbott & Co., Baltimore id. Applause Card | For the Funniest Contri- bution of 1926 Dear Jupce: I think the picture in this issue Entitled. . . “And the Text in this issue Entitled.......... By "Should be entered in the Contest for the Funniest Contribution of 1926. (Name). (Address) . (wi eek of August 14) At the end of the year, th those contribution receies the well each receive a $500 prize, tist and the writer eat number of cotes, ‘ote Your Favorite! JUDGE FOR YOURSELF Confused but Game Dear Jcovor—Samcer AMERICA: that is the end of your name, since you represent Uncle Sam and the “little ol” U. rood friend out there is kind enough to send me you every so often—and I sure ¢ you very much. Now and again I get out of my depth with son of your marvelous. phrases, but generally 1 you all right. Of course, your jokes about Pro- hibition always seem rat in this land flowing with beer and whisky is the and honey land, 1 be but since you open! talk about your bootleggers why do sou call the that by the way?—ani poison you with the do ‘they nc out to you at fami prices, I don’t see that you're any better off than you were beforehand—and, from an outsider's point of view, there seems to be more ral turpitude” about now han ever. ot that Tim I presume running down the at all—so far as business firs you're top nc ut in the ordinary ways of you appear to do things rather hindforemost— trying to elevate the human race, I mean, and going down a bit in the process! So far as Jupae is concerned, you're tip-to there's only two things I'd like to see alte one that I wish you wouldn't do, and one that [ wish you would. Firstly, therefore, it rather ‘turps"” our morals here to sce jokes made on religious matters; I dare: funny, but us it's “not quite nice’ it, Jonge, there are millions them, the clews are ‘re supposed to represen ry English intelligence, they st idea of what they're even ein your May 2 “The drink of the is a drug store? And what should a conboy do gine drink ing after the night befor erly baffling, and if I sat fro alter the wording of them somewhat to more reasonable Englis Anyhow, carry on, sergeant—you're the Great Cat's miauw, und greater praise I cannot give you than that Very truly yours, Miss) Jearie V. Cook Epson, Surrey, england. Ep. Note: You're right about the drug store. A drug-store cowboy is a species of sheik, who hangs about soda water bars. "His drink is soda, the poor fish!) Upshaw, Hobson, et als Bro, W. M. H.: Ye gods and little fishes. In face of the disclosures in the investigation of the AntiSaloon League if you fail to rip into Brother Willie Upshaw, the "ecclesiastical _ Prohibition ker, who accepted a lousy $25 and 81 taxi fare, For‘ taking a. Prohibition speech and Brother Hobson, the kissing bug “hero” of the Merrimar (who was on deck while the real heroes were down below), who received $172,000 for telling me I have a drink. M. H. Jena I will not, i invite you to help me to get rid of @ pint of good “« that I will have with me should T ever come to Noo Yawk. For God and morality, Brothers Upshaw and Hobson. Sincerely, Chas. Hale Birmingham, Ala. RADIANS KR \ Give a sentence withthe word Ze Sanctuary.” “*Sanctuary much for the buggy ride.” ¢ station HIS Vy. CR R- "Nee e NEXT TRAIN 9, \ Au _ owen PROGRAM iit BE BROADCAST \ AHROUGH UTICA, BUFFALO, | CLEVELAND AND POINTS WEST. MCFLYNN AT THE THRorTiLE, goHN SON / HANDLING WE COA‘ HOBSON CON- i] DUCTING. 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