Judge, 1926-08-14 · page 13 of 36
Judge — August 14, 1926 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# "Putting One and One Together" — Judge Magazine This page satirizes marital bickering disguised as grammatical pedantry. A husband prides himself on correct grammar, repeatedly using the impersonal pronoun "one" while discussing vacation plans. His wife mocks this affectation, pointing out the logical absurdity: "one and one" should equal "two," yet he uses "one" indefinitely without reaching a conclusion—a metaphor for his inability to make actual decisions or compromises in their marriage. The joke works on two levels: it's both a genuine grammar lesson and commentary on how couples hide relationship conflicts behind intellectual posturing. The wife's final point—that vacation decisions involve "two," not "one"—underscores that marriage requires considering one's partner, not self-centered grammatical preening. The accompanying illustration shows Robinson Crusoe fearing a visitor arriving Friday—a visual pun on the day's name, unrelated to the main article.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
[ Putting One and One | Together | “Tr ONE must take one’s vacation,” I remarked, grammatically, to | my wife, ‘one supposes one might as | | well take it as quick! possible so one can get back 's work.” I pride myself on my grammar. \ But my wife— | “One does become so selfish, doesn’t one, when one has a rush of grammar to one’s head?” she in- 5 quired, sarcastically. “One must think one is still a single man, the way one talks about one all the time. It’s difficult for one to understand | why, when one puts two and two to- | gether again and again, and almost | invariably gets four, one may put | one and one together indefinitely and never get more than one. But when one marries a grammarian—when, perhaps, one should have married a mathematician—one must not expect to have anyone to explain one’s prob- lems to one.” Now, that was unfair. Never have I attempted to exercise my con- | jugally legal jurisdiction over her | grammar, except, perhaps, by con- | stant example. “One must be pardoned if one occasionally fails to understand one’s wife,” I rejoined, politely enough, I | thought. “But, reverting to one’s | | vacation, when modern business | methods—efficiency, one supposes Robinson Crusoe feared that it w —and it was only “Friday.” GY Z Si): ed Practical plan for a small country house, if you expect to do much entertaining. DISZY DELS They call him Mike, Because he broadcasts so much. Judge pays $5 for each one printed. 2 4 ie J EARLY DILEMMA as somebody coming for the week-end one should say—call for a rest for one before one really feels the need of one, why, then, one ought—”” “If one doesn't like to have one’s vacation thrust upon one,” she inter- rupted, pointedly, ‘‘one should go into business for oneself. Then one may feel reasonably sure there will be no one to force one to take one’s vacation. In fact, it would seem to one that one could go as long as one desired without one’s wicked boss commanding one to—” “Reverting again to one’s vaca- tion,” I interrupted in my turn—or out of it, I don’t know which, “if one must take one, one ought to take it where one can have as good a time as possible.” “One, one, one, one, one, one, one,” she mocked. “Is one going to take one’s vacation by oneself or is one going to ask one’s wife to go with one on one’s vacation? Where one can have as good a time as possible, indeed! If one goes on one’s vaca- tion, at all—and one had better not permit oneself to forget it, either— one goes where two can have as good a time as possible! Does one under- stand one’s wife now?” Like the Old Guard, a grammarian dies, but never surrenders. “One should say one does!” I re- sponded. Douglas Turney comicbooks.com