Judge — June 26, 1926 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE A thick black cloud has settled over these parts now that the night clubs are being closed at 2 o'clock according to the authorities that is the time when the crooks, who haunt these places, begin to prey on the decent people who haunt these places ..... this bit of informa- tion takes a great weight off my shoulders because now the heavy bank roll and the bottle of Scotch I usually carry, is perfectly safe up to two o'clock and I won’t have to worry about it ..... and wouldn't it be funny, though, if some butter- and-egger was robbed in one of those places at ten minutes to two! the authorities also claim that these night clubs that have been dis- gorging their customers at six and seven o'clock in the morning all dressed up in their evening finery create Bolshevism in the minds of laborers going to work at that time. ..... Now I know why the price of milk has been going up! ah Speaking of night clubs we just received a copy of “A Débutante’s Diary” issued by the Montmarte Club, where the young débutante, according to said Diary, seems to spend most of her time... . . this leaves us a little bit skeptical .... if it came from “Murphy’s Cellar” or “The Owl” we might believe it. > John Held, Jr., who made the heading for this column, writes as follows ..... “Would you, out of the kindness of your heart, and for old times’ sake, have the young gentleman who is doing Judge, Jr., state in cold type that I am not editing that department. It is spreading all over the continent that Tam. And with all due respect to what I laughingly call my public, Ged forbid!” ..... in case some of our little readers should be ignorant enough not to know who John Held, Jr., is allow me to explain that he is the young gentleman with the scissors who so ably portrays the merry college boys and girls in that old campus favorite, “College Humor” where he gets that “spreading over the continent” stuff I don’t know, because in the year that this column has been running, not one letter to that effect has come into this office. However, there was a big gathering of people up at Columbus Circle the other night, and now that I think of it, I do re- member such cries as “I tell ya’ John Held, Jr., does run that column,” and “ya’ can’t fool me! John Held, Jr., runs Hight Hat .. Anyway, in order to save riots, and possible loss of life we will state officially that John Held, Jr., does not edit this column. xod forbid! — Speaking of the old campus, I’ve already gained one friend in J. L. Dixon "28, who writes, “You'll never keep up a good fight with Yale if you knock ‘College Humor.’ Con- gratulations on never having read it” And here's a telegram came in last week from New Haven “Hearty congrats Stop You have been elected honorary member. Never read Judge, Jr. Club Stop We think your dandy Stop Cheerio”— (Signed) Brown of Harvard. —f— And speaking of Brown of Har- vard the big laugh of the year comes from the new movie of that name with subtitles written by one Mr. Donald Ogden Stewart late of Yale what an opportunity!..... if they’d only get out a “Blue of Yale” and give me a chance at the titles! Unpublished Testimonials Or Why the Ad Men Have to Write Their Own Barnum's Baby Food for Babies Wis we used to go Florida for our summer vacation we got in the habit of sleeping out in the parks at night but lots of other things we couldn't get used to, especially our youngest infant which didn’t take to the flies and mosquitoes which they don’t show in the real estate advertisements. Anyways, we got hold of some cf your famous Barnum’s Baby Food for Babies and other infants and after we fed the baby with it for once or twice the bugs and flies mostly stayed away and what didn’t inside of half a hour they was dead. Trusting you are the same, etc., ete. A Thankless Poppa. Cohen’s Liniment Pedro walk alonga da street. No heera de wheese no ringa da bell. Bump Tony alla way on Staten Island. Guess Tony gotta da arm bus taka da pills justa same. Likem fine and maybe six seven eight months Tony gonna be all right again. Much obliged. Richard S. Wallace THE TRUCKMAN Is the pedestrian truckman? No, but the truckman is sore at the pedestrian. | Why is the truckman sore at the pedestrian? | Because the truckman failed to | Knock the pedestrian for a goal. sore at the comicbooks.com