Judge — May 22, 1926 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE OUTLINE OF HUMOR Being a Plain History of Wit and Humor by Judge, Jr. (Synopsis of preceding installment) You haven't missed much—merely a boresome introduction and the origin of the ameba, but, from now on it gets real exciting! 'HIs is how it came to be called an amceba which is a funny thing is it not? Now this amoeba hadn't slithered more than a couple of good sliths before he ran across another amceba, and without a thought of making his- tory he said: “Didn’t I see you in intertidal scum last week?” and what do you suppose the second amceba said? Quick as a fundamental gneiss, he flashed right back, “I’ve never been in intertidal scum”— and the first ameeba said, “Neither have I. It must have been two other ameebas!” Well, sir, these two ameebas, for that is indeed what they were, got to laughing so (see Strabo’s Geography) that it started cataclysmic eruptions in the water, which in turn affected the rocks and brought about the early Mesozoic Period. And as you follow these pages you will readily see what a tremendous > Reconstructed (Courtery ony diplodocus . Fair) effect humor has had down through the Ages. II Well, you know how quickly a story passes around. One thing led to another and pretty soon all the ameebas in the water had heard the famous story and as soon as one amoeba saw another amoeba coming he or she (see Strabo’s Geography on the Sex Life of the Amoeba) knew right away that the other ameba was going to spring that old joke, so he or she (see Strabo’s Geography on the Sex Life of the Amceba) would jump right out of the water. How Lire Came Into THE Oren Air And that is how life came into the open air. Well, one day one of these amebas was slithering along the ground (you see it couldn’t even ride a horse yet) and right there in front of him, big as life, stood a diplodocus talking to a brontosaurus. The amoeba rubbed his, or her, eyes (see Strabo’s Geo- graphy on the Sex Life of the Ameeba) and ejaculated, “Ye can’t fool me, there ain’t no sech animule!” Tue Carvozorc Periop Which goes to show that it’s the little things in life that count because if the diplodocus hadn't overheard this harmless remark of the amoeba’s he probably would have gone right along in the same rut and life wouldn't have advanced one bit. But, mind you, he did hear the ameeba make that dirty crack and right there in the middle of the Cainozoic Period he tried to convince the amoeba that there was such an animal. And indeed there was as we know. Well, they talked and talked but the ameba was an awfully hard person to convince and finally the diplodocus got so vexed he stamped his foot and cried, “Well, you can’t make a monkey out of me!” “I can’t, can’t I!” bellowed the ameeba and quicker than you could say Pithecauthropus Pliocene, he waved a wand, which he had been carrying all the time and turned the diplodocus into a monkey! (Continued next week—don’t miss it!) Why they're putting new beams in the Old Ladies’ Home comicbooks.com