Judge — March 20, 1926 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHY SUFFER IN SILENCE? B22 Le Ym A Xe \!] J ands LL True lover's knot rolling-pin and package of canary seed. pound of sliced “An Tragedy.” Memorandums of a Business Man ON DAY —Buy new bulb for up- stairs hall. Tuesday—Gas bill due. when downtown to pay it. Wednesday—Income tax due, also rent. Make out checks for rent and gas bill. See some tax expert. Get bulb for hall. Thursday—Phone bootlegger. Find out bank balance. Pay gas_ bill. Pay rent. Look up income tax man. Urgent!—Get bulb for hall! Friday—Find out why Jones for- got to order the new memo pads I told him to. Phone bank. See tax expert. Pay rent and gas bills. Bootlegger. Memo: Stop some place for that damn bulb. Saturday—Pay gas bill and phone company to turn gas back on. Write nice letter to landlord and enclose Get bulb Absent-minded telephone operator. Sailor's I:not — con and Dreis American CARRY OUR POCKET KNOT INDEX A WHAT YOU WERE SENT FOR Running — bow- line mail letter; rs get vacuum cleaner and spool of white thread. 1 ba- check. Tneome tax important! Stop at bank. Stop at bootleggers. Bulb, bulb, bulb, bulb, bulb. Give Jones a weck’s notice, can’t have clerks who forget things. Jack Shuttleworth Diary of an Absent-minded Person ONDAY—Met Whosis to-day— or was it last Friday?—on the corner of what's the name of that street and where was I? He said something about something or other and I forget what I answered. Was very hungry this evening—must have forgotten to have eaten lunch again to-day. Tuesday—The alarm clock said four-thirty when I got up this morn- ing. Late for work. Must remem- ber to wind that c hereafter. Lunchat Automat. Wanted chicken pie and coffee, but got a cheese sand- wich and cocoa. Wednesday parade to- the Marched — in and wound up at the Then it occurred to me that I had been marching in the wrong direction. starting point. Thursday—Arrived home earlier than usual—train was a local and didn’t go any farther than my sta tion. Door of house locked—key wouldn’t fit—so climbed in window. Found strange man in parlor—he was evidently a burglar or something be- cause he had removed all our furni- ture and put inferior stuff in its place. I threatened to call the police, but he was very obliging—he said he would. He did—and that’s all I remember. R.C. O'Brien Granny knot — of antique andirons, and two yards of pale blue crepe de chine. pair Figure of eight tickets to “Cradle Snatchers” and buy yourself a new hat. Several Moments with the Pro- fessor TT absent-minded professor had just lathered his face when the telephone rang, so he went to the door and opened it—but nobody was there. “Come in,” he said pleasantly, and ushered his imaginary guest into the parlor. “I will be with you just as T have finished polishing my he added. ing that the door was open he remarked to himself: ‘That's strange: I must have been going out.” So he put on his hat and coat and went out. R€;.0; Fae Player pianos are all right in their e. which, informed our neighbor, is in a storage warehouse. we The gitl who forgot to wear her fur garters. comicbooks.com