Judge — January 30, 1926 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Aren’t Husbands Funny? HEN the Blanks go out for a nice, pleasant Sunday after- noon ride and Mrs. Blank remarks that aren’t they going rather fast? Mr. Blank adds to the gayety: “... That’s right! Start in the usual song! Yes! We're going at a terrific rate! We're making almost twenty miles an hour. I’m going to wreck the car and kill us both after I run down and maim everybody we meet! I’ve been driving cars now for fifteen years but I haven't brains enough to see another car coming! Go ahead and worry your- self to death! Have a good time! You're never satisfied unless you're figuring out some way we can have a smash up. I’m blind, you know. Shout at me and grab my arm and open the door every time you see a car a mile away! What? Yes! Yes! But I suppose you'll be heart- broken if we don’t run out of gas. You've been expecting it ever since we bought the car. Go right on. Tell me how to turn. Tell me about the car behind us and that curve five miles away. Lord! I'd drop dead if I could go out some Sunday afternoon with you and not be told what to do for just about five minutes.” But when Mrs. Blank takes the wheel on a wide country road and there isn’t another car or pedestrian in sight, just n to Mr. Blank: “ . That's right! Chew up AT PALM BEACH Mae—Wouldn’t your mother rage if she saw you in that scanty bathing suits Svur—Well, rather, it’s hers! the gears! Race the motor! You can’t do any more than tear it apart! Fine! Great! You're not more than ten feet too far to the left. Going to a Look out. Look out! Slow up! Slow up! Put on the brakes! Let him have it! Let him. No! No! Go ahead. You've got the right of way. Go. Wow! Lord! It’s a good thing he saw it was a woman driving. I'd think you'd lear some day to—Well. What's First Burctar—Come on, let’s try an’ figger out how much Jack we made on this haul. “Oh, le’s wait and look in the morning paper.” the matter now? Waiting for a snail to catch up and pass you? Advance your spark. Step on the gas. Don’t you know it gets the motor hot to lug along like this? Hey! For the love of Mike! Do you want to get pinched? You can’t steer a car holding the wheel that way. I've told you a thousand times. Put your left hand down here on the wheel. Well—look! I’m show- ing you! Grab the left hand this way and the right. Look out! Why don’t you keep your eye on the road? Think you're driving the old family horse? What? Bothering you? I'd rather bother you a little and stay out of the ditch! What? Oh, you can’t? Well if you can’t drive when anybody’s talking you'd better quit driving—” Chet Johnson NIRAVAARSRINGKS) Hyphen “Hyphen ideal” Both Ways “Was their's a love match?” He couldn't afford the luxuries of life.” “But she married him anyway?” s—and he bought them any- comicbooks.com