Judge — January 9, 1926 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Matrimonial Mystery Tt age-old mystery of the stoic Sphinx, The reason why so many girls leave home— Are capable of solving and, methinks, I've got the answer in my brainy dome. I think I know why women wear their furs Beneath a__ sizzling, August sun— But one mystery still bafHles Even Sherlock Holmes — or Raffles— How “two can live as cheaply now as one”? scorching I know the answer to a maiden’s prayer And why the (ha! ha!) chickens cross the streets. I know just what the well-dressed man will wear; I understand financial balance- heets. But I've been married just about three weeks. I wooed, pursued; heart I've won— And since the parson’s sermon I've been tryin’ to determine How “two can live as cheaply now as on Hugh Wood at last her The Week’s Worst Pun Offspring—Why do they buffalo on our five-cent piece, pop? Progenitor—Because it no longer bison nickel’s worth. Go to bed. —American Legion Weekly cd The sounds on the departure of a train from a London station have been made into a gramophone record. Fortunately the remarks of a panting season ticket holder who arrived just too late were drowned by a long blast of the whistle. —Humorist soe A man who appeared at a London police court could not be persuaded to stop talking. Eventually, how- ever, the magistrate managed to get in a short sentence. —Landon Opinion cvs UG y V Smile through your tears, for Ophelia McSwope, Took her cute litte bath, and then repped on the soap. Fasy as A~B~C ! You Can Play Any Instrument In a Few Months This Delightful New Easy Way! Quickest because natural and pleas- ant. Grateful students say they learn in a fraction of the time old dull methods required. You play direct from the notes. And the cost is only a few cents a lesson! task. If you can read the alphabet you ean now quickly learn to play your favorite instrument! A delightful new method has made it positively easy to become a capable performer within just a few months. And the cost is only a frac- tion of what people used to spend on the old, slow methods! You don’t need a private teacher, this new way. You study entirely home, in the privacy of your own room, with no one to in- terrupt or embarrass you. And, strange as it m, you'll enjoy every minute of it— e the new method Is agrecable as well as L SARNING music is no longer a difficult rapid. No Tricks or Stunts—You Learn from ‘‘Regular’’ Music You don’t have to know the first thing about music in order to begin. You learn to play from actual notes, just like the best musicians do. And almost before you realize your progress, you begin playing real tunes and melodies instead of just scales. ‘There are no trick “numbers.” no “memory stunts.” When you finish the U.S. School of Music course, you can pick up any piece of regular printed music and understand it! You'll be able to read music, popular and classic, and play it from the notes. You'll acquire a lif long ability to please your friends, amuse yourself, and, if you like, make money (musi- cians are highly paid for their pleasant work) Whether you like the piano, violin, ‘cello, organ, saxophone, or any other instrument, you can now learn to play it in an amazingly short time. By means of this newly perfected method reading and playing music is made almost as simple as reading aloud from a book You simply can't go wrong. First, you arc told how a thing is done, then a picture shows you how, then you do it yourself and hear it No private teacher could make it any clearer ‘The lessons come to you by mail at regular tervals. They consist of complete printed instructions, diagrams, all the music you need, and music paper for writing out test exercise And if anything comes up which is not entirely plain you can write to your instructor and get a full, prompt, personal reply! | ’ kam The Surest Way To Be Popular and Have a Good Time Do you sit “on the — side- line "ata party? Are you | ine out of it “be- | Upulele Eldte cause you Cornet Saxophone can't play? Trombone Harp Many, many | Piccolo Mandolin people are! ou gan, i > jawaiian Steel Guitar its) the mu Sight Singing ik Re Piano Accordion claims atten- Voice and Speech Culture tion! If you | Harmony and Composition you are Drums and Traps ays in | Automatic Finger Control demand. Many | Seno (Tenor, Plectrum r or S-atring) ations come to you Amateur orchestras offer you wonderful after- noons and evenings. And you meet the kind of people you have always wanted to know So don’t miss this exceptional opportunity Free Book Explains All Get This Special Offer The whole interesting story about the U.S School course cannot be told on this page. booklet has been printed—" Music Lessons in Your Own Home You can have a copy absolutely free by mailing the coupon below. In the booklet you will find a special at makes the U.S. course available to you at a ry low pric sent a Demonstration Lesson which explains better than words how delightfully’ quick and. easy this wonderful new Method is. If y ly anxious to become a 10d player on your favorite instrument, mail the coupon now—today. Instruments supplied when needed, cash gr credit. 'U. $. School of Music. 21 Brunewick Blde., New York. Pick Your Instrument! U. S. SCHOOL OF MUSIC, 21 Brunswick Bldg., New York City. Please send me your free booklet, Music L n Your Own Home,” with Introduction by nk Crane, Demonstration Lesson, and partic= Sof your special offer. 1 am interested in the owing course ve you above Instrument? Name Address city Every Thursday Evening at Seven | JUDGE JUNIOR TAKES THE AIR Tune in on WJZ QUIT TRYING TO SELL the hard-to-sell article. Do what hundreds of other successful men re doing. Sell Walton Duplex Shirts. Many of our men mak- ing $500.00 a'month, Patented by us. No competition. Not sold in stores. Shirt turns com pletely inside out. Lasts twi as long. Cuts shirt bills in half. Every man (or his wife) buys on sight. Wonderful sales stor Steady re-orders. Your cus- tomers tell friends. Finest qual- ity material and workmanship. You ean average $1 00 profit per shirt. Write today for full de~ tails This is a real offer. Address Walton Duplex Co., Dept. All, SS = 505 S. Franklin St., Chicago, Ill. Cc CCC uct ce i tt Cc (i CCC CCC mM (t i Rec CCC A ud ‘a ~-comicbooks.com