Judge, 1925-12-05 · page 23 of 36
Judge — December 5, 1925 — page 23: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a satirical "Schedule of an After-dinner Speaker" that mocks the tedious, rambling conventions of public speaking in the early 20th century. The humor lies in the precise timing breakdown showing how after-dinner speakers waste time with excessive preliminaries, tangential Irish jokes ("Pat and Mike"), and grandiose platitudes about patriotism, liberty, and duty—all while barely addressing their actual topic. The timeline format (7:00 to 9:30) exposes the speaker's predictable formula: apologizing, flattering the host, pivoting repeatedly, inserting tired anecdotes, invoking patriotic rhetoric, then wrapping up with apologies for going overtime. This was evidently a recognizable frustration for Judge's readers—audiences expected to endure interminable, substance-free speeches at formal events. The satire critiques both speakers' self-indulgence and contemporary oratory conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Schedule of an After-dinner Speaker 7.00 Mr. Chairman and gentle- men— 7.05 —you have conferred on me— 7.06 Before I take up my topic— 7.09 —hospitality of your city. 7.10 —In selecting my topic— 7.16 —I may, in a small way— 7.19 —brief time allotted to me— 7.23 —sure we are agreed on that to start with— 7.26 —story of two Irishmen, Pat and Mike— 7.34 —and so, as Mike said to Pat— 7.85 —no need of my adding that— 7.87 —future of this nation, gentlemen— 7.48 —such men as you, your sons and— 7.48 —leading the world into the light— 7.51 —well may view with alarm— 7.54 —the same as any other law— 7.59 —brave boys, those noble women— 8.04 —our solemn duty to carry on— 8.09—emblem of liberty— 8.23 —make every minute count— 8.27 —not for me to say, but, I might point out— 8.34 No! I say. times, No!— 8.39 —our forefathers fought for— 8.44 —see my time is already up— 8.45 —few minutes more? Thank you. Now, as I— 8.49 —before I close I want— 8.53 —and the mule said to the Ford— 8.56 —hee-haw, I'm a_ horse! Now, gentlemen— 8.59 —just one thing more— 9.14 —and in closing, I— 9.16 —summing up, briefly— 9.19 —every man’s inalienable right— | : 9.24 —hope you will pardon me, ut— 9.27 —population of million be- fore— 9.80 —gentlemen, I thank you. A thousand The most skillful ble in cigarette histor — nd ry Chet Johnson The Sweet Buy and Buy By Arthur L. Lippmann The Third of The Ad- ventures of Flubb and Tubb will appear in the next issue of §J UDGE The positive relief for SEA, TRAIN AND CAR Sickness, Stops the nausea at once. 25 years in use. 7%, 8 3. at Drug Stores 3 or on receipt of Price * The Mothersill Remedy Co, N. Y. City Wino jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bit- ters is mado more de tqpefal and healthful. Sample Bitters by mall 25 cts. in stamps. ©. W. Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md.