Judge — November 21, 1925 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Ker Choo! T= approach of winter fills me with dismay. I’m ote of those poor unfortunates who is “addicted to colds.” Starting about now, my friends advise me how to avoid catching cold this winter. I’m quite certain that, according to them— A cold shower in the morning, followed by a brisk walk, is just the thing, while an occasional bath every week and no walking at all is very helpful. A heavy overcoat is ad- visable and no overcoat at all is very beneficial. Starchy foods will in- duce colds, while foods with starch in them will ward off colds. Spraying the nose and throat every morning is helpful, while nose and throat spray- ing only will irritate the membranes and cause no end of trouble. Out- door sleeping will kill the germs and the germs just thrive on outdoor sleeping. I’m sure by now that cough drops will cure and kill, woolen underwear protect and in- flame, light underwear both harden and weaken the constitution and deep breathing tear down and build up. Yet, looking back over last winter, despite my friends’ constant medical advice, I recall I didn’t have a single cold. No sir, not even a sniffle. You see, I stayed in Cuba. Hugh Wood FUNNYBONVES The owner of a second-hand car is always trying to start something. Uudge pays $5 for each one printed Youne Huspanp—We’ve quarreled the last time, all is over, I leave now— forever! “You can’t go, dear, I’ve burned a hole in your pants.” ARRVELUNG Sap ESMEN First Cannrpat—How did that actor you ate yesterday taste? Seconp Cannipat—Oh, he was good in certain parts, I dare say. Traffic signal for waiters prevents premature removal of unfinished dishes. Quite as Good “Wit do you want to get into that jam for? Come on up to the house and listen to the radio. It’s just like being in the stadium. They give it to you play by play.” This was the line of talk that finally led me to try it. “Station WUP in connection with Stations PAIN, CRAMP, ACHE and GAAA will broadcast the an- nual football game between Mauler University and Bruiser College. “Bruiser won the toss and chose heavy bidding in the wheat pit re- ceiving the punt until it is creamy then add the whites of two eggs and forward passed but it was unsuccess- ful the ball going back to old Vir- ginny accompanied on the banjo by Harry Glutxh of the Bruiser eleven who had to be carried off the field because brown eyes shouldn’t be blue resulting in the first blood for Bruiser when Mauler swung with his left landing on the kid’s beak just as the gong sounded we are broadcasting a ten-round bout be- tween hogs which were fifty-five on the hoof yesterday but rose steadily at five o’clock do the exercises again , before leaving the office as the Mauler Band struck up Alma Mauler and everyone uncovered but the kid covered up quickly and rushed into a clinch which scored a touchdown as the final gong announced the ending of the first quarter. You have just been listening to the football game, being broadcasted direct from the Mauler Stadium. Carroll comichooks.