Judge — October 31, 1925 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

-— Unpublished Testimonials Matel’s Marble Tablets for Heavy Figures Fo nigh onto six years I was con- fined in the State penitentiary with a peculiar joint disease and the corporal wouldn’t even let me out to do the marketing. On the recom- mendation of a tombstone salesman I finally received official permission to take some of your well-known marble tablets for heavy figures. Before the folks knew it I had taken the tablets all the way to Perth Amboy and of course nobody could find me there—I even had difficulty in finding myself. Everything is all right now, though and I haven’t been near the joint since I got out. Yours in the cause for science. Pilsen Pills for Funny Faces All the kids is now taking your Pilsen pills and enjoy ’em fine, but your directions ain’t no good where it says to take two in water every night. Now, Mr. Pilsen, maybe some people can do that, but out here we got not much water supply and room for only one at a time in TUN NYP ON ES, our bath tub, which ain’t very : modern, so how can we? Anyways They used to count the notches in .* Bee sig, es ee eee their guns; now they count the the kids ain’t used to being’ in water dents in their fenders. more than once a week and me and pa don’t think as how it’s good for ‘Judge pays $5 for each one printed ’em neither, because they’re gettin’ GHE 08 THO ONUSUAL Pine BOY First Irtsuman (Pat)—Phwat was dis yere now trouble up at Flan‘gan’s, Mrs. Feitlebaum? SEconp IrtsHMan (M1ke)—Shure, wurra wurra, Flanigan done ban gone and caught his wife dhrinkin’ an orangeade on St. Pathrick’s day! A SS me Wr, — Why don’t they build the stages to conform to the plays? to look all pail like which they usen’t to be. Please answer promptly. Biko’s Bichloride Tablets I can recommend your famous Biko’s Bichloride of Mercury Tablets to all aspiring movie stars and pub- licity managers. They are easy to get, easy to take, and have given excellent results. Five years ago I came to New York without friends, without talent and without public recognition—all I had was some loose change, a willingness, to be adopted by any eligible millionaire and the desire to become famous. I have taken your tablets regularly twice a year since then and have gotten press notices on all but two attempts, have achieved seventeen front-page stories and eight photographic plays in the metropolitan dailies. Now I am, as you know, a famous star of the stage and screen and expect to sign up with Ziegfeld most any minute now. P. S.: I am enclosing several of my favorite poses, my life story and some confessions which you are wel- come to use provided proper and sufficient credit is given. Faithfully yours, Wisteria Gloriosa D’Ell-Arabia. Richard S. Wallace