Judge, 1925-09-26 · page 13 of 37
Judge — September 26, 1925 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
# Explanation for Modern Readers This page contains **satirical fake testimonials** mocking advertising claims. The top section features humorous (fabricated) customer letters praising absurd products like "Monogrammed Monocles for Sloping Shoulders" and self-winding hose supporters worn around the neck—clearly invented to ridicule how advertisers exaggerate product benefits. The letters use deliberately poor grammar and obvious lies to highlight how ads manipulate consumers. The cartoons include a schoolroom joke about a student's father being a waiter, and a sailing mishap ("he luffed not wisely"—a pun on nautical terminology). The "Unwritten History" section is a comedic twist on the classical story of Archimedes and Diogenes, replacing Archimedes' famous principle of displacement with a cynical modern interpretation where Nero is a mediocre fiddle player. The joke subverts the historical reference by applying it to contemporary (presumably 1920s-30s) show business absurdity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Unpublished Testimonials Or ‘Why the Ad Men Have to Write Their Own Monk’s Monogrammed Monocles for Sloping Shoulders FTER we were married my wife and I used to take the children to Floral Fables every summer. We gradually got used to the street cars, the oil lamps and the alcohol breaths but the New Jersey mosquitoes were so friendly they would come right up and take food out of your hand. I remember one morning I lost my whole breakfast that way and we were gradually starving to death. You know, Mr. Monk, the in- sidious thing about mosquito bites is that even your best friends don’t have to tell you when you’ve got them. Generally, even your knows nose. Well, finally, we got some of your Monogrammed Monocles and whether the mosquitoes got dis- gusted or just died laughing I don’t know. Anyway, they’re all gone. “Hoping you are the same, etc. Neverleak Self-winding Hose Sup- porter I seen some of your ads in subway cars where you try to get us men to wear our garters around the neck well Mr. Neverleak maybe the ladies would fall for that stuff but us men no never and it just goes to show as I didn’t see one man yet that adopted your suggestion we may wear sailor pants but at least we keep ’em where pants ought to be I suppose pretty soon you'll be wanting us to wear our B.V.D.’s for hat bands and use our socks for gloves is it? Richard S. Wallace SEEING AMERICA WORST OU are now entering WASHING- simplest thing correctly, does your father help you? SmitH—No, he just laughs and says it’s no use in business. “Indeed, what is your father?” “A waiter, sir! WO A pdes First Yacutsman—Poor old Hin- chey! Gone to a watery grave! Seconp, Dirro—Yes, poor guy. He luffed not wisely, Unwritten History RCHIMEDES had been out all night looking for his principle. Consequently he was quite bleary- eyed when he ran into Diogenes down at the hardware store buying kerosene. Archimedes couldn’t even find a member of the cast but, as he said himself, “The principle is the thing.” “If your principle is an honest man I’ll help you look for him,” said Diogenes. “That bandit? Say if honesty was fire, that guy would be a bucket of water.” “Oh, he’s a taxi driver,” said Diogenes with finality. “No, he’s a fiddle player by the name of Nero. If that guy cuts another matineé I’ll can him. By the way, Gene, willya lend me your lantern a while to hunt for him.” “Sure, Arch. Say how about a coupla pasteboards to the show? Td like to see this guy Nero.” “Righto, Gene, but just between you and me he’s no bargain. He'll never set the town on fire.” “Oh, is zat so?” said a gruff voice suddenly as Nero hopped out of the bushes, “you wait and see.” And that, boys and girls, is the sad tale of how Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Don Short comicbooks:com