Judge — September 26, 1925 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

School Opening Notes im LARSEN, until recently driver of wagon No. 3 for The Lord Fauntelroy Ice Company, is entering Stanard University’s freshman class. He will specialize in football, having a splendid record of fractured skulls to his credit. He may be tapped for skull and bones, but they’ll have to whack him pretty hard. Mr. and Mrs. Richard Fitch an- nounce, with pleasure, the return to school of their son, Alfred. Alfred leaves behind him three breach of promise suits and five or six wrecked roadsters. He will spe- cialize in elbow bending, advanced distilling and one arm driving, upper and lower. He matriculates next week, unless he sobers up in the meantime. Old Mike Riley, janitor of the Fluffy Ruffles Girls’ Day and Night School, is celebrating the return of his sight in his left eye. Mike is contemplating a post graduate course in stocking rolling and an advanced art course in knee painting. The Tennessee school board will use “Aesop’s Fables” as standard biology text-book this fall, with Mother Goose displacing Shakes- peare. An important course in the Dayton high schools ‘will be drug store operating, plain and fancy, together with evolution text-book booklegging for the more emanci- pated students. Silence will again reign in 365 fresh water colleges. Three hundred and sixty-five absent-minded pro- fessors will open their umbrellas. The other 15,000,000 will have heard this joke before. Hugh Wood Eventually, But Not Now She—You impostor! You told me that this car would make sixty miles, He—Well, give it time, woman, give it time. i Qlar 4 crying out loud! “Was your cousin driving fast before the crash?” “Fast? He was driving so fast that the Pelcingese on the seat beside him looked like a dachshund!” Here’s a new one! Some bright idiot sat down and figured out that for the price of one show ($5.50) you could see five shows by the very simple method of standing up. So now we have the “Progressive Theater Party” and, no wonder, the tired business man is tired! The brilliant idea is to get up a theater party and by buying “Standing Room” tickets drop in on as many shows as possible an evening. The other night we divided into teams and our side won “two shows up,” but it took some fast footwork! They even have rules. One must stay in each theater at least fifteen minutes and each succeeding play- house visited must be in another block. Theater stubs or door checks must be shown, and the losing team has to pay the bill at some night club! —p— You'll be dancing to “Fond of You” from “Captain Jinks” soon, It’s a peach! = The Six Best “Steppers”: “Fond of You”—(Captain Jinks). “Brown Eyes, Why Are You Blue?” (No show). “Manhattan” —(Garrick Gaieties). “April Fool”—(Garrick Gaietizs). “What a World This Would Be”— (Scandals). “I Miss My Swiss”—(No Show). Prey comicbooks.com